Christ, My Deliverer

Yesterday was another hard day. Last time I went out of the house was Tuesday. I saw my earthly father yesterday and in obedience to Christ I greeted him and he, like he normally does, gave me a look that crushed my spirit and ignored me. Even now as I am writing, I am questioning my reality. did that really happen? Is he really upset because I a 22 year old after my father had screamed at me and threatened me refused to lay with him in bed? Does he really feel justified as he says he is? Does he not see how disturbing and illogical his request does? Does he really feel like he did nothing wrong as he said? Am I just ungrateful and losing my mind? Should I just submit to receive love and support from my parents? well... I did that I submitted did what they desired, kept the rules and I still did not receive love and support because they kept finding things in my character and just life and general that they thought weren't good enough. They weren't satisfied, they wanted more and if I didn't do it quickly they would slander me and control my every actions to the best of their abilities.

This morning I woke up and read "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation." Psalm 68:5 Our Lord is not deaf nor is He blind that He cannot see. He hears and sees all that is taking place and He hears me crying out to Him. Our God is faithful and He is good. I must exercise my faith and believe that He is here, and he sees it all. Seeing how unhealthy this environment is for me, I am believing that He is working behind the scenes to get me out of here If not soon by the end of this 2011-2012 School year. He has already laid it on Tyrell's heart to marry and so it's only a matter of time. Tyrell shared with me his desire to marry before this got worse so the mental attack of "you're just marrying now because you're in a bad environment" Fails. It's just not true, for way before then, he shared what he thought the Lord was sharing with Him. This circumstance only adds an urgency. We were planning a wedding and now we do not think that having this celebration is important. If a person wants to throw us a wedding PRAISE GOD! but we will not save the money the Lord has given us to throw ourselves a wedding. It just seems a bit out of order. 

Another verse that comes to mind  was Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Verse 8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." And verse 9, 10, 11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? "Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" YES! How much more Will My Father in Heaven, who died for me that I may obtain freedom and live for Him on this earth, glorify Him and aid in advancing His Kingdom. Surely He will deliver me, surely He will save me. 

I've already begun packing, I don't believe I'll be here for long AT ALL. Trusting in His faithfulness, trusting in His Character. I will pray and wait on the Lord. May He sustain me and protect me from harm. 

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED AND AM PERSUADED THAT HE IS ABLE TO KEEP WHAT I HAVE COMMITTED TO HIM UNTIL THAT DAY." 2 Timothy 1:8-12