True Joy

Are you frustrated? Utterly discouraged because of how life is going? What did you expect? Did you believe the lie that life was all about you and your desires? ?Yes nowadays we are taught to indulge, be "ourselves" 

(whatever that means) seek pleasure at all cost but is that really what life is all about? Is it really pleasurable to live in such a manner or does living this way just rob us of joy? Being sinful, indulging in what seems pleasurable to us and seeking to fulfill our own desires only leads to sin and sin to death. So how are we to live then? The Westminster Shorter Catechism puts it simply 

Q. 1. What is the chief end of man? 

A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

So What is the point of life? How are we to live you ask? Scripture tells us that we ought to live for the glory of God. "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31) Instead of seeing all things through the lenses of whether or not whatever we are thinking about doing will be pleasurable for us, we ought to ask instead whether whatever we're considering doing pleases the Lord and will bring Him the most Glory. 

Life is hard, we live in a fallen world. We are constantly met with disappointments. We cannot live for the "pleasures" in  this life. Things in this life are fleeting and passing away. We must set our gaze on Christ and the things above. When we are self absorbed not only are we in sin but we rob ourselves of joy.

R.C. Sproul wrote a book Titled Can I Have Joy in My Life? in it he writes: "The enticement of sin is that we think it will make us happy. We think it will give us joy and personal fulfillment. But it merely gives us guilt, which undermines and destroys authentic joy."

This book has really helped me in my walk. It was extremely difficult for me to transition from living for my own pleasures to living for the Lord and finding my Joy in Him. The Lord has used this book to put everything in perspective for me and teach me to imitate Christ and lay down my life for others not to mention live to do the Will of my Father in heaven rather than doing my own will and whatever I perceive will bring me joy in this life.

Download for Free HERE

Websites for Modest Apparel

One of my dear friends bumped into Erica's Blog page a couple days ago and shared it with me. Erica recently wrote an extremely helpful article on Modesty which included websites to purchase modest clothing!!!! I just had to share. I cannot wait to buy a few skirts, shirts and etc...

Here's the List she wrote but please take some time to read her entry. She covered a whole lot in it.

New Creation Apparel – long skirts, and maternity long skirts!

Meant To Be Modest – skirts ($10-17), bathing attire ($40-70).

Katies Mercantile – lots of things.

Ringger Clothing – dresses & jumpers ($50 average).

Practically Pretty Design – Nice quality, girls’ dresses $45.

Jumpin Bloomers -- ($12-16 each); nightgowns ($15-21 each); FREE shipping!

Works Of The Heart -- This appears to have great quality, too (seems finished with overlock serger) and has cute styles ($35/dress or so).

Hannah Lise -- Jumpers ($21), Dresses ($52-64) pretty & long.

April Cornell -- Dresses $54 each, but modest and pretty (I've heard a rumor that they're going out of business?)

Target – leggings ($6.99).

Laina Line -- Bloomers ($16-$22), and a few dresses.

Hanna Andersson -- Bloomers ($18); other dresses $42+ each.

Lands End -- Girls' Cap-Sleeve knit Jersey Dresses ($19.50)

The Kings Daughters -- Well made (seems finished with overlock serger), long, wide variety of dresses, pinafores, jumpers, slips, aprons, variety of fabrics to choose from ($29-39/piece -- mostly $30).  We've used this just for our younger girls sometimes.

Lilies Apparel – High quality, beautiful, huge selection of styles and fabrics, similar prices to above site, everything from dresses, maternity, jumpers, bloomers, socks, etc.  You can order their catalog to be sent to you.

Large Families on Purpose: Modest Dress: The Heart of the Issue Surrounding C...: Our family had always tried to dressed as modestly as we could in our pants, however I wondered why some Christian families had all of thei... READ MORE

New Apartment =)

Hello Friends,

As you all know, March 1st was supposed to be our last day in the condo and on February 28th we got a phone call from a complex we were praying about that we were approved for a 2 bedroom duplex in a much better neighborhood. March 1st we spent the day moving out.

By the Grace of God, we were able to schedule a moving company and we are now living in our marvelous 2 bedroom duplex apartment. Thank you all for praying for us and encouraging us.

Our little boy loves his bedroom and sleeps through the night. I (Marie) am 18 weeks pregnant now and we find out baby#2's gender April 3rd! We're extremely excited and so is Aidenn. He is going to be a big brother. Praise God!

I hope you all have a marvelous weekend.

God bless!

Moving Again

In June of 2013 we (the Samuels) moved from our tiny basement apartment in Takoma Park, MD to a spacious 1 bedroom apartment in Temple Hills, MD. It's called LynnHill Condominiums, and we are currently renting the condo from an owner. We knew when we moved into this building that it was pretty dilapidated due to owners not paying their condo fees. We live on the 6th floor and the elevator does not work. This has been a consistent challenge for us. Along with our water being cut off regularly, pest infestations and rampant prostitution and drug use happening on our very floor. We considered our stay a blessing since our rent was very cheap. Now however, God seems to be bringing judgement on the condominiums. The WSSC has ordered our water be cut off on March 1st due to unpaid water account charges from the Condo owners over $100,000. As a consequence the Condos will be considered unfit for human habitation and all owners/tenants will be ordered to vacate immediately. We received this letter on Monday, February 10th. 

We need to move by March 1st and are looking for any leads in the DC metropolitan area (but particularly somewhere close to Alexandria/Arlington, VA since that's where I (Tyrell) work, somewhere like southern PG County for example would be great). By God's grace I make a little extra change and we can probably afford something up to the $1100 mark...though that might be pushing it. $900-$1000 would be ideal. We'd love a two bedroom apt but may have to settle for a one bedroom temporarily. If you know any condo owners who are renting that would be great too since rent usually goes up in typical Apartment complexes. If you don't have any leads, your prayers are greatly appreciated in this time. Currently, we are set to visit three apts on Saturday Feb 15th but I'm not too hopeful for any of them. 

Though this is tragic. We are encouraged by God's sovereignty. Marie is pregnant with our second child and going up and down the steps are becoming increasingly difficult especially with having to carry a one year old. Though our place was renovated and a fairly nice apt, losing hot water and noticing we weren't "alone" anymore (hint hint) in our place we began considering to move. This was dicey though since our lease isn't up til June. Now God is definitely telling us to leave and He is making a way for us to do it. 

We have two weeks to find another place to live. Until our next post help us pray that all goes well with the apartment search and especially the apartment we applied for Feb 16th.

God Bless you all!

Tyrell, Marie, Aidenn and our unborn one :)

Labor And Delivery

Our baby is here!!!

Azariah Aidenn Samuels

6lbs 8oz, July 30th, 2012 at 5:05am

What an experience!!! My husband and I spent July 29th driving a truck and moving our things from my mother in law's house to our new place. We watched a movie and later the contractions began. One moment I was sitting down singing to Hillsong's This Is Our God CD and the next I was screaming my husband's name to come quickly because it hurts so much! Before I knew it, the ambulance was here and I was being rushed to the hospital.

I'm at the Hospital, anxious but trying to remain calm. They took me to a room to answer some questions and in the process of answering I threw up all over the floor. The nurse was pretty upset. Later the doctor came in and we found out that I was 5 centimeters dilated but baby was not making his way down.

As some of you know, I have the Arnold Chiari Malformationan. DBecause of this rare abnormality, I had to be closely monitered while pregnant. They didn't know what to do. They didn't know if they should allow me to push, fearing that pushing would add pressure to my brain.

I wanted to have what seemed like the typical "Christian woman labor" A water birth with people praying and pushing for the joy that is set before me enduring the pain like Christ that I may obtain the prize but now we were told that we needed to have a C-section and that I needed to be put to sleep because they could not give me an epidural due to the abnormality in my brain. We were devistated. We didn't know what to do. We had prayed that the Lord would give the doctor wisdom and this was what he thought was best. We prayed then submitted to the doctors orders.

I woke up to the sound of my little boy crying. I'm still recovering and have to constantly confess my envy to the Lord, seeing that I not only idolized other christian women and was envious that I could not take part in their wonderful experience. After the procedure my husband and I were told that we needed to wait at least 18 months to have our next child.

We know that it's the Lord who opens and closes the womb. We don't believe in taking birth control so we are forced down to our knees again, seeking direction from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

I'm not sure why the Lord allowed things to happen as they did but I know that He is Sovereign over every detail and that nothing takes Him by surprise.

In this life, I continually seek after ease, comfort, a "good" life and yet He comes in and chooses to glorify Himself through my sufferings revealing to me the evilness in my heart.

Praise the Lord for continually shaking my plans and allowing suffering that I may treasure Him above this life, my health and every vain thing under the sun.

A Wonderful Surprise

We just received an awesome surprise in the mail!!! We are so thankful to the Lord for all the precious gifts we're receiving for our little boy ^_^ Praise the Lord.

Along with the gifts, this person included some words of encouragement and bible verses

Under neat the Breastflow BPA Free Starter Set
It says "Your blog has been a true blessing to me. Here is a verse I really like and trust you will too. It is revelation 22:17. Meditate on it."

Underneath the Microwave Steam Sterilizer, it says: "Sanctify them in the truth, your word is truth. John 17:17. May GOD bless and keep you."

Praise the Lord. I had for hold back tears. This gift was so thoughtful and unexpected. May the Lord bless you tremendously in England for your act of kindness! We are so thankful!

Surprise Baby Shower!

I am beyond thankful! The idea of having a baby shower when Ty and I live in a small little room in a basement that can't even hold all our things was an impossibility. I threw that idea out the window and just continued to pray that the Lord would bless us with the things we need for baby's arrival. Without a shower, the Lord had already provided bags of clothes for baby's first year, along with a brand new crib, walker and other important items. 

God not only answered my prayers but made the impossible possible. I had a baby shower!!! There was so much food and the decorations were beautiful! Not to mention people I've been wanting to see for months! What a mighty God we serve! We were also showered with love and more gifts for baby and we are eagerly waiting his arrival. We are so thankful for our brothers and sisters who labored. 

In my husband's Words:

"I'm so thankful to the Lord that I can experience church, and even watch God take care of His children through the church. Where my wife and I have lost a mother we have gained mothers in the church, where my wife and I have lost brothers, we have gained brothers in the church, where we have lost fathers, we have gained fathers in the church, uncles, aunts, sisters. What we have lost in pursuing Christ with total abandon we have gained 10fold. Our Heavenly Father has provided for His children, and He continues to provide. And still, never have I seen the righteous forsaken...or his children begging for bread. May the Lord use us in the same way for others."

Moments Of Anxiety

Yesterday, I found myself sitting in my room, fretting and worrying about Tyrell and I's future. I spent most of the day going from being anxious to praying to being anxious to praying again.

My worries?

We don't have a place prepared for baby when he comes out. We don't have enough money to get our own place. This week is my last week working. Will Tyrell be able to make enough on his own so we can move to a basement, studio anywhere that's big enough for the three of us? What if my water breaks? Where will baby sleep? How would we survive?

As I examined everything and thought about our current circumstances, I got more and more anxious and then I was distracted by our son kicking about in my womb. He was happily twirling around, kicking and enjoying another day that the Lord had given him while I sat in my room fretting about our future.

Can you imagine him saying: "it's dark in here, tight and small. Will my mom be able to push me out? What if she can't? What am I going to do? Am I going to be stuck in here forever? I might die! Lord help me! I have to get out of here!"The thought of him fretting made me chuckle a bit but that was exactly what I was doing.
Why be worried about the future?

Though hard times are upon us, we must continue to put our trust in the Lord. I must follow the example of our little man and be still. Worship God now, be thankful now and continue to pray and wait on the Lord. My fretting will get me no where. When it's time for us to move, the Lord will accomplish His will. I have no control over what will take place in the future so I must not worry but put my trust in a Sovereign God who knows what we need.

I must put my hope not in riches but in the only one who does have control and can save, Jesus Christ.

Rough

Finally we started premarital counseling. Pastor Taylor, a reformed pastor that we respect has opened up his church to us, along with doing premarital counseling and the wedding. I am paying $75 for using the place but that's it. Sounds great doesn't it? But in the midst of that lots of crazy things are happening. I'm  currently a full time student and I'm also working a part time job. My job is about 1 hour and a half on the metro and requires for me to spend about $35 a week. My job has been going though lots of changes. This is my fourth week and I just now received a paycheck. I'm behind on my credit bills and my loan companies are writing me about past due dates not knowing that I'm still in school and need a deferment. I am beyond overwhelmed right now. My head hurt and I'm tempted not to submit to Tyrell's leadership anymore. I want to take matters into my own hands but even doing so what can I accomplish by such a task. I don't know what to do. I really need Christ to intervene, give me wisdom and provide for us. We have nothing and we're getting in more and more debt.

It's All About Him

Have you read the story of the life of Amy Carmichael or Joni Eareckson Tada? Have you ever wondered "Why did God allow this to happen to that person? Amy was doing a wonderful work in India, why did the Lord allow her to get so  sick that she could not continue in the work that she was doing for the Lord there? Many times in my walk I look at my plans and all the hard work I put into making it happen and I expect the Lord to consider my hard work and to work in light of that. Sounds confusing? Let me explain. For example let's say I'm driving on the highway heading to a sister's house to minister to her and be there for her and my car breaks down. I think "Lord why are you allowing this, I'm heading to so and so's house to serve You... Why would you allow this? I went through a lot, took the day off work, studied specific verses and prepared and now you're allowing this to happen." Many of us forget that He has a plan and that it is all about Him. When we live in light of the reality that Jesus is Lord than we would be receiving circumstances with patience rather than frustrations and etc... because It's all about Him. He desires to develop our character/conform us to the image of His son, that is what's most important not our vain plans to have stability in this life. All our pitiful plans are vain for this life is passing away. Let us renew our mind and follow Christ remembering that He is Lord and He is in full Control

Tears and more tears...

I am literally in tears right now. I am so HURT! I can pretend and try to be defensive but where will that get me. Sorry I don't have a word of encouragement for all of you today but I'm really broken and I'm hoping that blogging my pain will not only enable me to hang on but will encourage someone one day who may be going through the same thing because they will see God's faithfulness in pulling out of this.

So I was in the shower and my father came home. In the past whenever I'm in the bathroom, he would open the door on me and stare at me and then say something like "what are you doing" or just a random question after staring at me covering myself out of shame because of my nakedness. Knowing this horrible habit of his I always lock the door whenever I take a shower now. So I turn off the water and it's still dripping still a little and as I'm drying myself off he comes and tries to open the door as usual to which I replied "I'm in the bathroom" He doesn't responds and goes to his bedroom. Not knowing if it was truly him who came home, I grabbed my cellphone, called my mother and asked her if she was home and she said no so I knew it had to be my dad. I sneak out of the bathroom with my towel on run to my bedroom and quickly clothe myself because I don't have a lock on my door so he can walk in on me any minute. I got dressed, was confused about what my next move should be. Should I go and say hello, he has been scarring me for a couple days now. If I don't say hello I get rebuked harshly and disciplined if I do I'm ignored and hurt. Sighs... with fear I went to go say hello and opened the door and to my surprise he took the chained door lock and locked the door to keep me out. Broken, I said "Hi papi, I was just saying hi" and I pulled the door shut and he once again ignored me. He put the lock on quietly and laid on his back to see me come and greet him and be shocked by what I saw.

All I could do was go to my room and quietly weep like a baby... I'm so broken. I continue to die to myself to serve him because I'm called to honor him and he continues to reward me with scars. This is sooo hard for me. I am soooo hurt. What will I have to offer my husband? I have nothing.... I can't even operate the way I was created to function because of all the damage done by the amount of abuse I received throughout my life.  I'm so hurt, I'm so broken =(

Christ, My Deliverer

Yesterday was another hard day. Last time I went out of the house was Tuesday. I saw my earthly father yesterday and in obedience to Christ I greeted him and he, like he normally does, gave me a look that crushed my spirit and ignored me. Even now as I am writing, I am questioning my reality. did that really happen? Is he really upset because I a 22 year old after my father had screamed at me and threatened me refused to lay with him in bed? Does he really feel justified as he says he is? Does he not see how disturbing and illogical his request does? Does he really feel like he did nothing wrong as he said? Am I just ungrateful and losing my mind? Should I just submit to receive love and support from my parents? well... I did that I submitted did what they desired, kept the rules and I still did not receive love and support because they kept finding things in my character and just life and general that they thought weren't good enough. They weren't satisfied, they wanted more and if I didn't do it quickly they would slander me and control my every actions to the best of their abilities.

This morning I woke up and read "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation." Psalm 68:5 Our Lord is not deaf nor is He blind that He cannot see. He hears and sees all that is taking place and He hears me crying out to Him. Our God is faithful and He is good. I must exercise my faith and believe that He is here, and he sees it all. Seeing how unhealthy this environment is for me, I am believing that He is working behind the scenes to get me out of here If not soon by the end of this 2011-2012 School year. He has already laid it on Tyrell's heart to marry and so it's only a matter of time. Tyrell shared with me his desire to marry before this got worse so the mental attack of "you're just marrying now because you're in a bad environment" Fails. It's just not true, for way before then, he shared what he thought the Lord was sharing with Him. This circumstance only adds an urgency. We were planning a wedding and now we do not think that having this celebration is important. If a person wants to throw us a wedding PRAISE GOD! but we will not save the money the Lord has given us to throw ourselves a wedding. It just seems a bit out of order. 

Another verse that comes to mind  was Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Verse 8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." And verse 9, 10, 11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? "Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" YES! How much more Will My Father in Heaven, who died for me that I may obtain freedom and live for Him on this earth, glorify Him and aid in advancing His Kingdom. Surely He will deliver me, surely He will save me. 

I've already begun packing, I don't believe I'll be here for long AT ALL. Trusting in His faithfulness, trusting in His Character. I will pray and wait on the Lord. May He sustain me and protect me from harm. 

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED AND AM PERSUADED THAT HE IS ABLE TO KEEP WHAT I HAVE COMMITTED TO HIM UNTIL THAT DAY." 2 Timothy 1:8-12

Learning To Be Still

Yesterday was extremely hard. Due to much chaos in my home, I spent the whole day without eating. What's the big news you ask? Well Over a year in a half ago the Lord placed a wonderful young man in my life who loves the Lord and has the same burdens and passions as I do. We met while I was president of an organization that provided assistance to parents with children who have disabilities. Over time we ended up serving together on a campus ministry and the more we served the Lord together the more we were drawn to one another. I was secretly seeking the Lord about him and he was secretly seeking the Lord about me.

After a couple months of knowing him, struggling to guard my heart, I confronted him about the partiality he showed me compared to my other sisters and demanded he tell me what his intentions were. The next day we talked and he confessed everything to me told me how he had been seeking the Lord for my hand and handed me his journal from way back when we first met and allowed me to read his prayer life and convo with the Lord about me and how much he desires to be with me. This was an exciting time for the both of us. He told me everything with fear not knowing that I too had been praying and seeking the Lord about him. When he found out that I felt the same and read my journal entries we continued to pray and serve together. That was in November 2010, now in May 2011 He officially asked me unto a courtship by giving me a Mineral Pendant Necklace reminding me of the time he went to the beach and brought me back a rock and how every stage of our friendship he gave me a rock so this is the new rock and I should know what the next rock will be ^_^ THE ENGAGEMENT RING!!!! I was sooooooo happy and thankful to the Lord. Although he has not officially proposed yet, he has been working really hard, saving up and wedding planning with me ever since.

We didn't care much for a wedding in the beginning but due to many of our believing friends's joy over our union we begin to entertain the thought. The more we wait around trying to accomplish our will in this friendship by saving up wedding planning, something chaotic happens and we are sure that the Lord is saying it's time! but we're not sure how to go about everything. It looks like we will have to not have a wedding after all. Things are getting worse at home, my father keeps verbally abusing me and threatening me to scare me into doing their will, which requires letting them have full control of where I spend my time, who I talk to and the decisions I have to make in life. Being a man who fears the Lord, Tyrell, the man I am courting, does not want to make any rash decisions and marry now because of everything going on. He instead is taking his time and seeking the Lord before he makes his next move. I on the other hand am questioning my sanity because my parents are telling me that I'm filled with illusions, I'm influenced by demons and need to start thinking straight. I'm also having a hard time being still and waiting for Tyrell to lead and obey the Lord.

My dad did not apologize for all the horrible things he said to me. After all the screaming was over, my mom called me into their bedroom to explain to me how I was wrong in this whole situation. My parents also explained to me that they only hurt me because they want what's best for me ending all their corrections and accusations with an invitation to lay in bed with them last night to forget everything that happened. I WAS UTTERLY DISTURBED BY THAT REQUEST! Are you kidding me??? What 22 year sleeps in bed with her parents to forget everything that "happened". On top of it, the fact that it was my dad requesting this UTTERLY DISTURBED ME! By God's grace, I kept my voice down and explained to my father that I heard him, I forgive him but will not lay in bed with them. He was offended and begin to intimidate me by looking at me with angry eyes and said "Forgive me, I didn't ask to be forgiven, I didn't do anything wrong" and I said "that very reason is why I will not lay on this bed, until you take responsibility for your cruel actions I will not have an intimate relationship with you" Throughout my life, my father has offered me false hope and repeated his cruel behavior. That has been the cycle for years and I have carried the blame for everything for years. Everything was always my fault. I always taught they were justified in all that they did to me because I was bad and never did things right. The more I dive in God's word though, I am realizing that yes I may have fallen short in the past and I will continue to fall short but they too are responsible for their own actions.

I slept in my room last night against their will and I shared what happened with others against their will. They are upset and claim that my bible says to honor my parents and I don't but honor your parents does not mean to do everything they tell you to do. With all respect sleeping with my dad and mother at 22 is very uncomfortable especially if I don't trust them. Less than 3 hours ago he was screaming at me, getting in my face, challenging me and now because of they hurt me and grind me because they want what's best for me and no repentance, I should feel safe because they are good people and would never hurt me, really? why am I filled with scars then. I fell short yesterday in that I raised my voice and expressed my hurts to my parents but sadly all they could think about was me dishonoring by contradicting them, telling them how they've scarred me, putting things that they don't talk about in the light and screaming. They still think I'm crazy, they still feel justified and do not believe that I worship Jesus Christ. They believe they are Christians and I'm influenced by demons. Yep, that was my yesterday... Hopefully I'll get to eat today.
Pray for me Fam