A Crazy Ride

Dropped my laptop on the bare ground in all of my pride last night, but praise the Lord it is still working. In other news Azariah Aideen Samuels is here. Born July 30th in an emergency C Section. Baby is healthy, Marie is fine but in a lot of pain. Please pray for her. I haven't really slept since Sunday...don't think things will change anytime soon. Praying for greater grace :). Wow...I'm a father. Sooo weirrrrddddd!!! The rescue mission begins...May the Lord be merciful to this wretched sinner :)

I'm Amazed at the Lord's ability to take my callousness toward the Church and make me appreciate it beyond measure. He has done this by stripping away members of mines and my wife's real family and allowing the church to take their place. Though this grieves my inner man and requires much wisdom to maneuver through backlash and anger on their part, I am glad that God is sovereign over my sins and ABLE to provide for my wife and I because we are His children. I am also exceedingly amazed that God took this spoiled brat who lived for himself and made him lead, provide for and sacrifice for this lovely lady of mines, and this child. I am not my own nor am I myself these days. Christ literally lives through me. I am simply along for this ride of glory. May God continue to glorify Himself in the shattering of my self. I'm really tired, really stressed, but God is good. In my "apostle Paul" voice, I am the LEAST likely candidate to be a father and husband and those who truly know me can attest to this and give God His due glory.

I must be honest though, since my wife and I started looking at new places to live I've been pretty despondent about life and towards life. In God's sovereignty this has carried over to now and I don't feel much anxiety now that we have moved out of my mom's place and given birth to Aidenn. I thought for sure I would pass out and die when my baby came because it's such a huge change in my life. Everything just feels surreal though, no panic, no anxiety, no psychosis. It's weird though, I don't know how to think of the baby. It's like he's me, but he's not me at all. He came from me, but he is not me. I think it's best described in the analogy of how God created us. We were made in His image, but we are not Him, and He is not us. I want to think that he has the same thoughts as me and the same personality, but he doesn't. He is his own person. When I think like that, I think I begin to think properly though I feel sort of disconnected from him at that point. But I say "properly" because he is not "mines." I am his steward. I am his father but ultimately he belongs to the Lord as do all people who are created by God. Indeed all people are created by God, but not all are His children. Aidenn is my child though, so I will treat him as such and love him as such by the grace God gives me. 

-Tyrell

Labor And Delivery

Our baby is here!!!

Azariah Aidenn Samuels

6lbs 8oz, July 30th, 2012 at 5:05am

What an experience!!! My husband and I spent July 29th driving a truck and moving our things from my mother in law's house to our new place. We watched a movie and later the contractions began. One moment I was sitting down singing to Hillsong's This Is Our God CD and the next I was screaming my husband's name to come quickly because it hurts so much! Before I knew it, the ambulance was here and I was being rushed to the hospital.

I'm at the Hospital, anxious but trying to remain calm. They took me to a room to answer some questions and in the process of answering I threw up all over the floor. The nurse was pretty upset. Later the doctor came in and we found out that I was 5 centimeters dilated but baby was not making his way down.

As some of you know, I have the Arnold Chiari Malformationan. DBecause of this rare abnormality, I had to be closely monitered while pregnant. They didn't know what to do. They didn't know if they should allow me to push, fearing that pushing would add pressure to my brain.

I wanted to have what seemed like the typical "Christian woman labor" A water birth with people praying and pushing for the joy that is set before me enduring the pain like Christ that I may obtain the prize but now we were told that we needed to have a C-section and that I needed to be put to sleep because they could not give me an epidural due to the abnormality in my brain. We were devistated. We didn't know what to do. We had prayed that the Lord would give the doctor wisdom and this was what he thought was best. We prayed then submitted to the doctors orders.

I woke up to the sound of my little boy crying. I'm still recovering and have to constantly confess my envy to the Lord, seeing that I not only idolized other christian women and was envious that I could not take part in their wonderful experience. After the procedure my husband and I were told that we needed to wait at least 18 months to have our next child.

We know that it's the Lord who opens and closes the womb. We don't believe in taking birth control so we are forced down to our knees again, seeking direction from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

I'm not sure why the Lord allowed things to happen as they did but I know that He is Sovereign over every detail and that nothing takes Him by surprise.

In this life, I continually seek after ease, comfort, a "good" life and yet He comes in and chooses to glorify Himself through my sufferings revealing to me the evilness in my heart.

Praise the Lord for continually shaking my plans and allowing suffering that I may treasure Him above this life, my health and every vain thing under the sun.

By Faith & Not By Sight

Wow... Where do I begin... It's been a long time since I blogged, overwhelmed by our circumstances, it's been hard to find the strength to sit, meditate and write.

My husband and I have been "homeless" since June 17. We didn't see it coming and weren't prepared for it but God knew and He had us covered. We had to speak up in obedience to our Lord about some things taking place in the home where we were staying and as a result we were threatened and for my sake and the life of our unborn baby, my husband and I had to leave. We left all our things behind and headed to church that morning not knowing where we would sleep, not having enough funds or a car that we can sleep in until we figure things out.

We've been attending Capital Hill Baptist Church and hadn't been there for long and yet the believers there opened their arms to us and purposed to pray for us and help us in any way that they could. One couple with 4 beautiful children opened their homes to us.

One more thing I forgot to mention is that her and I are both expecting and our due dates are a day apart. She is due August 10th and I am due August 9th. It was perfectly orchestrated by God, there I learned how to cook a few meals and learned what contractions were! lol My stomach was as hard as a melon and it was hurting and I mentioned it to her just to see if she gets "those" and she explained to me that those were contractions lol. The Lord used them to continually remind us to trust Him in the midst of our storm. We daily broke bread together as a family and stayed up late hours talking about the attributes of God.

Can't forget my sister Jamika who gave us her room to sleep in while we stayed there!

Later another couple opened their homes to us.

They were heading out of town and so they left their house key with us along with the key to both of their cars and encouraged us to eat whatever is there and make ourselves at home as we sought the Lord on what to do.

Later Another young couple offered to drive all the way to Waldorf to pick up our baby's crib since the cars we had weren't big enough to pick them up. That same day, they fed us and drove the crib all the way to Takoma Park! The house where we would be staying.

As if that wasn't enough the Lord also used the mother of one of my students. She lives in the neighborhood Tyrell and I had hoped we would live one day. We took a stroll there the day before our wedding and just admired the beauty of that place. She offered us her basement! for a price we CAN afford in a neighborhood we CANNOT afford to live in. She along with a carpenter named Steve labored and fully renovated the basement! They painted, did stencil work, bought us a brand new fridge along with other things and fully furnished it!!! 

This is so amazing and I know that this could not have happened apart from the Lord moving. What a journey it has been!!! We've only been married 8 months and our Lord has been so faithful to teach us about His character. He has blessed us with the circumstances we've found ourselves in so that we could see Him in action.

There were nights of worry, tears, I saw no way out. I knew only the Lord could help us but spent hours doubting that He would pay us any mind. "why should He help us?" were my thoughts. Our Lord is faithful and He is Sovereign. I hope He continues to remind us of this truth as Tyrell and I continue on this narrow road together. We're suppose to move into our new place today and we are so thankful for the body of Christ coming along side of us to pray for us and serve us. Praise the Lord! God is indeed faithful!

Moments Of Anxiety

Yesterday, I found myself sitting in my room, fretting and worrying about Tyrell and I's future. I spent most of the day going from being anxious to praying to being anxious to praying again.

My worries?

We don't have a place prepared for baby when he comes out. We don't have enough money to get our own place. This week is my last week working. Will Tyrell be able to make enough on his own so we can move to a basement, studio anywhere that's big enough for the three of us? What if my water breaks? Where will baby sleep? How would we survive?

As I examined everything and thought about our current circumstances, I got more and more anxious and then I was distracted by our son kicking about in my womb. He was happily twirling around, kicking and enjoying another day that the Lord had given him while I sat in my room fretting about our future.

Can you imagine him saying: "it's dark in here, tight and small. Will my mom be able to push me out? What if she can't? What am I going to do? Am I going to be stuck in here forever? I might die! Lord help me! I have to get out of here!"The thought of him fretting made me chuckle a bit but that was exactly what I was doing.
Why be worried about the future?

Though hard times are upon us, we must continue to put our trust in the Lord. I must follow the example of our little man and be still. Worship God now, be thankful now and continue to pray and wait on the Lord. My fretting will get me no where. When it's time for us to move, the Lord will accomplish His will. I have no control over what will take place in the future so I must not worry but put my trust in a Sovereign God who knows what we need.

I must put my hope not in riches but in the only one who does have control and can save, Jesus Christ.