2 weeks to go!

 

Baby Girl is almost here! It's been an extremely hard pregnancy and now, we are being pressured to have her by 39 weeks or they'll give us a repeat C-Section. Praying hard and Waiting on the Lord. May He have His way and be Glorified. We can't wait to hold her in our arms.

True Joy

Are you frustrated? Utterly discouraged because of how life is going? What did you expect? Did you believe the lie that life was all about you and your desires? ?Yes nowadays we are taught to indulge, be "ourselves" 

(whatever that means) seek pleasure at all cost but is that really what life is all about? Is it really pleasurable to live in such a manner or does living this way just rob us of joy? Being sinful, indulging in what seems pleasurable to us and seeking to fulfill our own desires only leads to sin and sin to death. So how are we to live then? The Westminster Shorter Catechism puts it simply 

Q. 1. What is the chief end of man? 

A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

So What is the point of life? How are we to live you ask? Scripture tells us that we ought to live for the glory of God. "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31) Instead of seeing all things through the lenses of whether or not whatever we are thinking about doing will be pleasurable for us, we ought to ask instead whether whatever we're considering doing pleases the Lord and will bring Him the most Glory. 

Life is hard, we live in a fallen world. We are constantly met with disappointments. We cannot live for the "pleasures" in  this life. Things in this life are fleeting and passing away. We must set our gaze on Christ and the things above. When we are self absorbed not only are we in sin but we rob ourselves of joy.

R.C. Sproul wrote a book Titled Can I Have Joy in My Life? in it he writes: "The enticement of sin is that we think it will make us happy. We think it will give us joy and personal fulfillment. But it merely gives us guilt, which undermines and destroys authentic joy."

This book has really helped me in my walk. It was extremely difficult for me to transition from living for my own pleasures to living for the Lord and finding my Joy in Him. The Lord has used this book to put everything in perspective for me and teach me to imitate Christ and lay down my life for others not to mention live to do the Will of my Father in heaven rather than doing my own will and whatever I perceive will bring me joy in this life.

Download for Free HERE

How Past Sexual Abuse Has Affected Intimacy In My Marriage

I just read an article titled "How Past Sexual Abuse Has Affected Intimacy In My Marriage" and it was so helpful. As some of you may know, my past before marriage was filled with different types of sexual assaults from rape to unwanted touching. My first assault was done when I was only 3 or 4 and the last was only 2 years before meeting my now wonderful husband and that one was the worse one ever and I have yet to heal fully from what happened. Yes, both my past and my husband's past has greatly affected our marriage but our Lord is great and continuing the work he began in us both. The Elders at our church are aware of our struggles and pray for us, we also pray for and with each other.  This little paragraph pretty much sums up my biggest struggle She says: "I still struggle with fear of failure, of expectation. In my own mind, if I feel that I am supposed to deliver on demand or that a romantic dinner is going to automatically lead to an exciting night of intimacy, I psych myself out. Instantly I am not the one in control and my fears are triggered again. There is a lack of trust within me that affects not only my intimate relationship with my husband, but also with God." But I am encouraged for I know that the other statement she made in this article is true and that is that "God wants us to be free. Free to experience intimacy in our relationship with our husbands, and that our enemy desperately wants to prevent this from happening."

Be of Good Courage and do not lose hope if you are in a similar circumstance. We are still wrestling with a few things but we definitely see God's hand working and healing.

To Read the Actual article CLICK HERE

New Apartment =)

Hello Friends,

As you all know, March 1st was supposed to be our last day in the condo and on February 28th we got a phone call from a complex we were praying about that we were approved for a 2 bedroom duplex in a much better neighborhood. March 1st we spent the day moving out.

By the Grace of God, we were able to schedule a moving company and we are now living in our marvelous 2 bedroom duplex apartment. Thank you all for praying for us and encouraging us.

Our little boy loves his bedroom and sleeps through the night. I (Marie) am 18 weeks pregnant now and we find out baby#2's gender April 3rd! We're extremely excited and so is Aidenn. He is going to be a big brother. Praise God!

I hope you all have a marvelous weekend.

God bless!

Moving Again

In June of 2013 we (the Samuels) moved from our tiny basement apartment in Takoma Park, MD to a spacious 1 bedroom apartment in Temple Hills, MD. It's called LynnHill Condominiums, and we are currently renting the condo from an owner. We knew when we moved into this building that it was pretty dilapidated due to owners not paying their condo fees. We live on the 6th floor and the elevator does not work. This has been a consistent challenge for us. Along with our water being cut off regularly, pest infestations and rampant prostitution and drug use happening on our very floor. We considered our stay a blessing since our rent was very cheap. Now however, God seems to be bringing judgement on the condominiums. The WSSC has ordered our water be cut off on March 1st due to unpaid water account charges from the Condo owners over $100,000. As a consequence the Condos will be considered unfit for human habitation and all owners/tenants will be ordered to vacate immediately. We received this letter on Monday, February 10th. 

We need to move by March 1st and are looking for any leads in the DC metropolitan area (but particularly somewhere close to Alexandria/Arlington, VA since that's where I (Tyrell) work, somewhere like southern PG County for example would be great). By God's grace I make a little extra change and we can probably afford something up to the $1100 mark...though that might be pushing it. $900-$1000 would be ideal. We'd love a two bedroom apt but may have to settle for a one bedroom temporarily. If you know any condo owners who are renting that would be great too since rent usually goes up in typical Apartment complexes. If you don't have any leads, your prayers are greatly appreciated in this time. Currently, we are set to visit three apts on Saturday Feb 15th but I'm not too hopeful for any of them. 

Though this is tragic. We are encouraged by God's sovereignty. Marie is pregnant with our second child and going up and down the steps are becoming increasingly difficult especially with having to carry a one year old. Though our place was renovated and a fairly nice apt, losing hot water and noticing we weren't "alone" anymore (hint hint) in our place we began considering to move. This was dicey though since our lease isn't up til June. Now God is definitely telling us to leave and He is making a way for us to do it. 

We have two weeks to find another place to live. Until our next post help us pray that all goes well with the apartment search and especially the apartment we applied for Feb 16th.

God Bless you all!

Tyrell, Marie, Aidenn and our unborn one :)

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.

 Confused? Let me explain. At the age of 13 I begged my mother to perm my hair so that I could be like everyone else at school. After that I worshiped self and was consumed me the desire to be loved and accepted in other words worshiped by my peers. I wanted to seduce men with my hair and body and stir in envy in the hearts of women so that they would wish they were like me. I was very proud and took pleasure in vain things that lead straight to hell. Praise God almighty for snatching me from that path and placing me on this hard and narrow road that leads to life for His name's sake. After Salvation, I continued to perm my hair and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that perming your hair is sinful. Every time I got a perm, there was the temptation to get in that mindset again. I wanted to be noticed, I wondered whether or not others were envious, if other men noticed and were moved just silly stuff. After I met my husband, he encouraged me to go natural not because he knew of my struggle but just because he was curious about what my natural hair texture was. I agreed, thought it would be fun and so did it. The months after that were the MOST HUMBLING MONTHS OF MY LIFE!!! I woke in the morning and I couldn't just pull my hair up or brush my hair and go out. It took a long time every morning to tame my hair and make it some what presentable before heading out. It was torture, I felt so ugly and unkept. I was embarrassed no longer had my head held up and my back straight longing for the attention of others who I would pass by I was instead wishing I was invisible and was shocked everytime a person addressed me publically. During that time I was also learning about modesty and how my clothes shouldn't expose my frame but cover it so I was looking a mess most days. Not knowing what to wear and definitely not knowing what to do with my hair! Later on that year 2011 it was time for Tyrell and I to marry and so after after 6 months of persevering I gave up and got a perm so that I would feel/look "beautiful" on my wedding day. Too bad I took my insecurities down the isle with me. I had the make up on, a nice dress, my permed hair and yet felt ugly. As the ceremony went on I saw Tyrell and was consumed with anxiety as we prepared to kiss for the first time. Thinking about standing at the altar still makes my heart race with panic as I ponder on the reality that we had to do that publically. Anyway, after the wedding I vowed not to get another perm. I continued with God's help and began to embrace this new life our Lord was calling me to. Over time, I learned to focus on serving our Lord and of course submitting to my husband. It was a very hard and long road but I learned alot about what it means to be a woman of a meek and quiet spirit. I also learned that we women can be loud without opening our lips. We can be loud with the way we carry ourselves, the clothes we wear, the way we do our hair, our make up and so much more. After examining myself and repenting, I finally cut all my permed hair on December 11th 2012. I'm really grateful for God's patience and my husband's support through this transition. I'm learning more about modesty and what to wear to look presentable. I'm also learning what true beauty is and what being meek looks and feels like. Yes there were times I broke down but this was so worth it. Throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, so that I could run the race marked out for me. Not sure what you guys may be facing or struggling with but I encourage you to examine your hearts, pray and lay aside every weight that slows you down, especially the sin that so easily trips you up. 

Be Blessed family!

Birth Control

Coming from a Roman Catholic background, I tend to look at my sisters' lives see them doing something good like having a natural birth and making it a law that I must follow in order to glorify and honor the Lord. I find myself constantly in chains, entangled in laws I've placed on myself. Our Lord, so faithful and merciful continually points this out to me and shows me the idolatry in my heart. As you all know my husband and I have been convicted about birth control since before we were married, by the grace of God we were with child soon after we married. The Lord in His wisdom saw it fit to allow us to have a C-section and as a result we were told not to have children for at least 18 months. We now use a method of birth control and it hasn't been easy. The enemy never ceases to labor and my husband and I have to constantly wrestle against condemnation and much more. Not sure what the Lord is doing but looking forward to learning more about the will of God concerning our family size. We don't know whether it is something we ought to surrender to Him or our responsibility to plan as a couple. It's all so confusing. We're still reading the word and praying. Lord willing He will answer our cry soon.

A Crazy Ride

Dropped my laptop on the bare ground in all of my pride last night, but praise the Lord it is still working. In other news Azariah Aideen Samuels is here. Born July 30th in an emergency C Section. Baby is healthy, Marie is fine but in a lot of pain. Please pray for her. I haven't really slept since Sunday...don't think things will change anytime soon. Praying for greater grace :). Wow...I'm a father. Sooo weirrrrddddd!!! The rescue mission begins...May the Lord be merciful to this wretched sinner :)

I'm Amazed at the Lord's ability to take my callousness toward the Church and make me appreciate it beyond measure. He has done this by stripping away members of mines and my wife's real family and allowing the church to take their place. Though this grieves my inner man and requires much wisdom to maneuver through backlash and anger on their part, I am glad that God is sovereign over my sins and ABLE to provide for my wife and I because we are His children. I am also exceedingly amazed that God took this spoiled brat who lived for himself and made him lead, provide for and sacrifice for this lovely lady of mines, and this child. I am not my own nor am I myself these days. Christ literally lives through me. I am simply along for this ride of glory. May God continue to glorify Himself in the shattering of my self. I'm really tired, really stressed, but God is good. In my "apostle Paul" voice, I am the LEAST likely candidate to be a father and husband and those who truly know me can attest to this and give God His due glory.

I must be honest though, since my wife and I started looking at new places to live I've been pretty despondent about life and towards life. In God's sovereignty this has carried over to now and I don't feel much anxiety now that we have moved out of my mom's place and given birth to Aidenn. I thought for sure I would pass out and die when my baby came because it's such a huge change in my life. Everything just feels surreal though, no panic, no anxiety, no psychosis. It's weird though, I don't know how to think of the baby. It's like he's me, but he's not me at all. He came from me, but he is not me. I think it's best described in the analogy of how God created us. We were made in His image, but we are not Him, and He is not us. I want to think that he has the same thoughts as me and the same personality, but he doesn't. He is his own person. When I think like that, I think I begin to think properly though I feel sort of disconnected from him at that point. But I say "properly" because he is not "mines." I am his steward. I am his father but ultimately he belongs to the Lord as do all people who are created by God. Indeed all people are created by God, but not all are His children. Aidenn is my child though, so I will treat him as such and love him as such by the grace God gives me. 

-Tyrell

Labor And Delivery

Our baby is here!!!

Azariah Aidenn Samuels

6lbs 8oz, July 30th, 2012 at 5:05am

What an experience!!! My husband and I spent July 29th driving a truck and moving our things from my mother in law's house to our new place. We watched a movie and later the contractions began. One moment I was sitting down singing to Hillsong's This Is Our God CD and the next I was screaming my husband's name to come quickly because it hurts so much! Before I knew it, the ambulance was here and I was being rushed to the hospital.

I'm at the Hospital, anxious but trying to remain calm. They took me to a room to answer some questions and in the process of answering I threw up all over the floor. The nurse was pretty upset. Later the doctor came in and we found out that I was 5 centimeters dilated but baby was not making his way down.

As some of you know, I have the Arnold Chiari Malformationan. DBecause of this rare abnormality, I had to be closely monitered while pregnant. They didn't know what to do. They didn't know if they should allow me to push, fearing that pushing would add pressure to my brain.

I wanted to have what seemed like the typical "Christian woman labor" A water birth with people praying and pushing for the joy that is set before me enduring the pain like Christ that I may obtain the prize but now we were told that we needed to have a C-section and that I needed to be put to sleep because they could not give me an epidural due to the abnormality in my brain. We were devistated. We didn't know what to do. We had prayed that the Lord would give the doctor wisdom and this was what he thought was best. We prayed then submitted to the doctors orders.

I woke up to the sound of my little boy crying. I'm still recovering and have to constantly confess my envy to the Lord, seeing that I not only idolized other christian women and was envious that I could not take part in their wonderful experience. After the procedure my husband and I were told that we needed to wait at least 18 months to have our next child.

We know that it's the Lord who opens and closes the womb. We don't believe in taking birth control so we are forced down to our knees again, seeking direction from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

I'm not sure why the Lord allowed things to happen as they did but I know that He is Sovereign over every detail and that nothing takes Him by surprise.

In this life, I continually seek after ease, comfort, a "good" life and yet He comes in and chooses to glorify Himself through my sufferings revealing to me the evilness in my heart.

Praise the Lord for continually shaking my plans and allowing suffering that I may treasure Him above this life, my health and every vain thing under the sun.

By Faith & Not By Sight

Wow... Where do I begin... It's been a long time since I blogged, overwhelmed by our circumstances, it's been hard to find the strength to sit, meditate and write.

My husband and I have been "homeless" since June 17. We didn't see it coming and weren't prepared for it but God knew and He had us covered. We had to speak up in obedience to our Lord about some things taking place in the home where we were staying and as a result we were threatened and for my sake and the life of our unborn baby, my husband and I had to leave. We left all our things behind and headed to church that morning not knowing where we would sleep, not having enough funds or a car that we can sleep in until we figure things out.

We've been attending Capital Hill Baptist Church and hadn't been there for long and yet the believers there opened their arms to us and purposed to pray for us and help us in any way that they could. One couple with 4 beautiful children opened their homes to us.

One more thing I forgot to mention is that her and I are both expecting and our due dates are a day apart. She is due August 10th and I am due August 9th. It was perfectly orchestrated by God, there I learned how to cook a few meals and learned what contractions were! lol My stomach was as hard as a melon and it was hurting and I mentioned it to her just to see if she gets "those" and she explained to me that those were contractions lol. The Lord used them to continually remind us to trust Him in the midst of our storm. We daily broke bread together as a family and stayed up late hours talking about the attributes of God.

Can't forget my sister Jamika who gave us her room to sleep in while we stayed there!

Later another couple opened their homes to us.

They were heading out of town and so they left their house key with us along with the key to both of their cars and encouraged us to eat whatever is there and make ourselves at home as we sought the Lord on what to do.

Later Another young couple offered to drive all the way to Waldorf to pick up our baby's crib since the cars we had weren't big enough to pick them up. That same day, they fed us and drove the crib all the way to Takoma Park! The house where we would be staying.

As if that wasn't enough the Lord also used the mother of one of my students. She lives in the neighborhood Tyrell and I had hoped we would live one day. We took a stroll there the day before our wedding and just admired the beauty of that place. She offered us her basement! for a price we CAN afford in a neighborhood we CANNOT afford to live in. She along with a carpenter named Steve labored and fully renovated the basement! They painted, did stencil work, bought us a brand new fridge along with other things and fully furnished it!!! 

This is so amazing and I know that this could not have happened apart from the Lord moving. What a journey it has been!!! We've only been married 8 months and our Lord has been so faithful to teach us about His character. He has blessed us with the circumstances we've found ourselves in so that we could see Him in action.

There were nights of worry, tears, I saw no way out. I knew only the Lord could help us but spent hours doubting that He would pay us any mind. "why should He help us?" were my thoughts. Our Lord is faithful and He is Sovereign. I hope He continues to remind us of this truth as Tyrell and I continue on this narrow road together. We're suppose to move into our new place today and we are so thankful for the body of Christ coming along side of us to pray for us and serve us. Praise the Lord! God is indeed faithful!

Moments Of Anxiety

Yesterday, I found myself sitting in my room, fretting and worrying about Tyrell and I's future. I spent most of the day going from being anxious to praying to being anxious to praying again.

My worries?

We don't have a place prepared for baby when he comes out. We don't have enough money to get our own place. This week is my last week working. Will Tyrell be able to make enough on his own so we can move to a basement, studio anywhere that's big enough for the three of us? What if my water breaks? Where will baby sleep? How would we survive?

As I examined everything and thought about our current circumstances, I got more and more anxious and then I was distracted by our son kicking about in my womb. He was happily twirling around, kicking and enjoying another day that the Lord had given him while I sat in my room fretting about our future.

Can you imagine him saying: "it's dark in here, tight and small. Will my mom be able to push me out? What if she can't? What am I going to do? Am I going to be stuck in here forever? I might die! Lord help me! I have to get out of here!"The thought of him fretting made me chuckle a bit but that was exactly what I was doing.
Why be worried about the future?

Though hard times are upon us, we must continue to put our trust in the Lord. I must follow the example of our little man and be still. Worship God now, be thankful now and continue to pray and wait on the Lord. My fretting will get me no where. When it's time for us to move, the Lord will accomplish His will. I have no control over what will take place in the future so I must not worry but put my trust in a Sovereign God who knows what we need.

I must put my hope not in riches but in the only one who does have control and can save, Jesus Christ.

Hating God In My Heart

Did you bite the Fruit? 

Did you buy into the prosperity Gospel and are now finding yourself hating God?

Most would hide this reality but it does happen. Being reminded of the true Gospel, the cost of discipleship, Who God is, who we are along with our true purpose here on earth is very helpful.

Here's an edifying sermon that dissects the reality of the Gospel and reminds me of who God is and why we are here. If you are truly struggling with feelings of hate towards God or charging Him with injustice. Please take some time out to watch and listen. Hope this edifies.

PART 1

PART 2