Thursday, June 30, 2011
Camp Resistance
This summer has been awesome! Actually I think I've been dreaming ever since the Lord allowed Tyrell to share his true intentions with me back in October 2010. Since then, the Lord has opened many doors for us to travel, minister and fellowship with believers from various background. It has truly been an adventure. God is so good! =)
We recently got a chance to head to the National Mall in Washington DC. It felt so surreal! We visited the Holocaust museum and discussed Total depravity and tried to look at everything from a biblical standpoint. Later, he took me to his favorite garden to show me some of his favorite flowers. Beautiful day! I praise the Lord for days like this! What a gift!
Thankfulness
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sanctification
God's Will is that I be sanctified. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.
Indeed God did not call me to uncleanness and each day that goes by, my passion for him grows! Yes being transparent. This is quite embarrassing but true. The Lord’s will is my sanctification, that I should learn to possess my own vessel in sanctification and honor and I’m definitely learning that as I wait to finally be his wife. One thing I’m thankful about is that there is no sin in marrying, that is actually encouraged. The depth of my passion for him, which is ever growing, is confirmation to me that the Lord is indeed calling us to matrimony. Another problem we have is that not being married hinders us from doing things that we desire to do to be a witness to those around us. In order to do them, we would have to spend lots of time together preparing and spending to much time together causes our passion to grow, not spending time together things do not get done so I only see one call marriage!
Now outside of our fleshy desires, Sanctification itself is definitely taking place. The Lord continues to show me the depth of my wickedness and need to depend on Him and Him alone through my friendship with Tyrell. I’ve also learned that I truly have nothing to offer the Lord, He did it all on the cross anything else I have to offer cannot be compared. I must depend on His grace and mercy at all times I cannot move God by my works. He is Holy and my works do not make me right with Him!
God's Will
Things are getting harder in Tyrell and I's relationship in that we cannot wait to be married. The more time we spend in God's word, the more we are assured that our union is what glorifies the Lord most. He is more than I could ever ask for in a man. He has qualities that I didn't even think to ask for but need. I absolutely love being around him. I love working together with him to come up with different lessons and ways to expose falsehood and shed light on truth. We both have a passion for God's word and desire to disciple others that they may go and disciple others. When I was away in New York for the month of April, I spent some time alone with the Lord to truly understand why Tyrell was the man I was to come along side of for God's glory. I was meditating on God's will and according to scripture these are some verses I found describing God's will and I examine my relationship with Tyrell in light of them.
- God's will is that I be sanctified.(1 Thessalonians 4:3)
- God's will is that I be thankful in all circumstances, or give thanks in all circumstances. (Ephesians 5:20)
- God's will is that I do not be conformed to the pattern of this world. (Romans 12:1-2)
- God's will is that I focus on His kingdom (1 John 2:15-17, Colossians 3:1-4)
- God's will is that I seek His glory.(John 7:15-20)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tears and more tears...
I am literally in tears right now. I am so HURT! I can pretend and try to be defensive but where will that get me. Sorry I don't have a word of encouragement for all of you today but I'm really broken and I'm hoping that blogging my pain will not only enable me to hang on but will encourage someone one day who may be going through the same thing because they will see God's faithfulness in pulling out of this.
So I was in the shower and my father came home. In the past whenever I'm in the bathroom, he would open the door on me and stare at me and then say something like "what are you doing" or just a random question after staring at me covering myself out of shame because of my nakedness. Knowing this horrible habit of his I always lock the door whenever I take a shower now. So I turn off the water and it's still dripping still a little and as I'm drying myself off he comes and tries to open the door as usual to which I replied "I'm in the bathroom" He doesn't responds and goes to his bedroom. Not knowing if it was truly him who came home, I grabbed my cellphone, called my mother and asked her if she was home and she said no so I knew it had to be my dad. I sneak out of the bathroom with my towel on run to my bedroom and quickly clothe myself because I don't have a lock on my door so he can walk in on me any minute. I got dressed, was confused about what my next move should be. Should I go and say hello, he has been scarring me for a couple days now. If I don't say hello I get rebuked harshly and disciplined if I do I'm ignored and hurt. Sighs... with fear I went to go say hello and opened the door and to my surprise he took the chained door lock and locked the door to keep me out. Broken, I said "Hi papi, I was just saying hi" and I pulled the door shut and he once again ignored me. He put the lock on quietly and laid on his back to see me come and greet him and be shocked by what I saw.
All I could do was go to my room and quietly weep like a baby... I'm so broken. I continue to die to myself to serve him because I'm called to honor him and he continues to reward me with scars. This is sooo hard for me. I am soooo hurt. What will I have to offer my husband? I have nothing.... I can't even operate the way I was created to function because of all the damage done by the amount of abuse I received throughout my life. I'm so hurt, I'm so broken =(
All I could do was go to my room and quietly weep like a baby... I'm so broken. I continue to die to myself to serve him because I'm called to honor him and he continues to reward me with scars. This is sooo hard for me. I am soooo hurt. What will I have to offer my husband? I have nothing.... I can't even operate the way I was created to function because of all the damage done by the amount of abuse I received throughout my life. I'm so hurt, I'm so broken =(
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Faith vs Foolishness
So as you all know, Tyrell and I will be getting married pretty soon. The Lord has definitely made His will clear through our daily convictions and we are preparing to obey the Lord.
Our circumstance is pretty bad because we're both in College and we will have debts to deal with. Many look at us and say that it is foolish for us to get married so young because we don't have everything in order but we know that the Lord is calling us to marry.
It's really sad how as a child we are taught to trust in Jesus to have faith but when we need to exercise our faith most we are told to use wisdom and not trust God. We are encouraged to lean upon our own understanding and not obey the Lord until we feel confident enough to move forward. Churches are teaching believers to be self-sufficient and prepared. This is sooo sad we are raising an "organized" self-sufficient generation with no faith in God! Many are believing they can have control of their lives when they really don't.
It's a really hard step to take and although we will look like fools we are more than confident that the Lord will continue to be faithful and guide us in how we should go about serving Him as a couple. Our greatest joy comes from the fact that we complement each other and can better work together to serve the Lord, share the Good News of Jesus Christ and disciple others for the glory of God. If you are marrying to find fulfillment beware! Marry because this is what glorifies the Lord most. It is about God's Glory.
Our circumstance is pretty bad because we're both in College and we will have debts to deal with. Many look at us and say that it is foolish for us to get married so young because we don't have everything in order but we know that the Lord is calling us to marry.
It's really sad how as a child we are taught to trust in Jesus to have faith but when we need to exercise our faith most we are told to use wisdom and not trust God. We are encouraged to lean upon our own understanding and not obey the Lord until we feel confident enough to move forward. Churches are teaching believers to be self-sufficient and prepared. This is sooo sad we are raising an "organized" self-sufficient generation with no faith in God! Many are believing they can have control of their lives when they really don't.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Christ, My Deliverer
Yesterday was another hard day. Last time I went out of the house was Tuesday. I saw my earthly father yesterday and in obedience to Christ I greeted him and he, like he normally does, gave me a look that crushed my spirit and ignored me. Even now as I am writing, I am questioning my reality. did that really happen? Is he really upset because I a 22 year old after my father had screamed at me and threatened me refused to lay with him in bed? Does he really feel justified as he says he is? Does he not see how disturbing and illogical his request does? Does he really feel like he did nothing wrong as he said? Am I just ungrateful and losing my mind? Should I just submit to receive love and support from my parents? well... I did that I submitted did what they desired, kept the rules and I still did not receive love and support because they kept finding things in my character and just life and general that they thought weren't good enough. They weren't satisfied, they wanted more and if I didn't do it quickly they would slander me and control my every actions to the best of their abilities.
This morning I woke up and read "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation." Psalm 68:5 Our Lord is not deaf nor is He blind that He cannot see. He hears and sees all that is taking place and He hears me crying out to Him. Our God is faithful and He is good. I must exercise my faith and believe that He is here, and he sees it all. Seeing how unhealthy this environment is for me, I am believing that He is working behind the scenes to get me out of here If not soon by the end of this 2011-2012 School year. He has already laid it on Tyrell's heart to marry and so it's only a matter of time. Tyrell shared with me his desire to marry before this got worse so the mental attack of "you're just marrying now because you're in a bad environment" Fails. It's just not true, for way before then, he shared what he thought the Lord was sharing with Him. This circumstance only adds an urgency. We were planning a wedding and now we do not think that having this celebration is important. If a person wants to throw us a wedding PRAISE GOD! but we will not save the money the Lord has given us to throw ourselves a wedding. It just seems a bit out of order.
Another verse that comes to mind was Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Verse 8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." And verse 9, 10, 11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? "Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" YES! How much more Will My Father in Heaven, who died for me that I may obtain freedom and live for Him on this earth, glorify Him and aid in advancing His Kingdom. Surely He will deliver me, surely He will save me.
I've already begun packing, I don't believe I'll be here for long AT ALL. Trusting in His faithfulness, trusting in His Character. I will pray and wait on the Lord. May He sustain me and protect me from harm.
"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED AND AM PERSUADED THAT HE IS ABLE TO KEEP WHAT I HAVE COMMITTED TO HIM UNTIL THAT DAY." 2 Timothy 1:8-12
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Courtship day! ^_^
Learning To Be Still
Yesterday was extremely hard. Due to much chaos in my home, I spent the whole day without eating. What's the big news you ask? Well Over a year in a half ago the Lord placed a wonderful young man in my life who loves the Lord and has the same burdens and passions as I do. We met while I was president of an organization that provided assistance to parents with children who have disabilities. Over time we ended up serving together on a campus ministry and the more we served the Lord together the more we were drawn to one another. I was secretly seeking the Lord about him and he was secretly seeking the Lord about me.
After a couple months of knowing him, struggling to guard my heart, I confronted him about the partiality he showed me compared to my other sisters and demanded he tell me what his intentions were. The next day we talked and he confessed everything to me told me how he had been seeking the Lord for my hand and handed me his journal from way back when we first met and allowed me to read his prayer life and convo with the Lord about me and how much he desires to be with me. This was an exciting time for the both of us. He told me everything with fear not knowing that I too had been praying and seeking the Lord about him. When he found out that I felt the same and read my journal entries we continued to pray and serve together. That was in November 2010, now in May 2011 He officially asked me unto a courtship by giving me a Mineral Pendant Necklace reminding me of the time he went to the beach and brought me back a rock and how every stage of our friendship he gave me a rock so this is the new rock and I should know what the next rock will be ^_^ THE ENGAGEMENT RING!!!! I was sooooooo happy and thankful to the Lord. Although he has not officially proposed yet, he has been working really hard, saving up and wedding planning with me ever since.
We didn't care much for a wedding in the beginning but due to many of our believing friends's joy over our union we begin to entertain the thought. The more we wait around trying to accomplish our will in this friendship by saving up wedding planning, something chaotic happens and we are sure that the Lord is saying it's time! but we're not sure how to go about everything. It looks like we will have to not have a wedding after all. Things are getting worse at home, my father keeps verbally abusing me and threatening me to scare me into doing their will, which requires letting them have full control of where I spend my time, who I talk to and the decisions I have to make in life. Being a man who fears the Lord, Tyrell, the man I am courting, does not want to make any rash decisions and marry now because of everything going on. He instead is taking his time and seeking the Lord before he makes his next move. I on the other hand am questioning my sanity because my parents are telling me that I'm filled with illusions, I'm influenced by demons and need to start thinking straight. I'm also having a hard time being still and waiting for Tyrell to lead and obey the Lord.
My dad did not apologize for all the horrible things he said to me. After all the screaming was over, my mom called me into their bedroom to explain to me how I was wrong in this whole situation. My parents also explained to me that they only hurt me because they want what's best for me ending all their corrections and accusations with an invitation to lay in bed with them last night to forget everything that happened. I WAS UTTERLY DISTURBED BY THAT REQUEST! Are you kidding me??? What 22 year sleeps in bed with her parents to forget everything that "happened". On top of it, the fact that it was my dad requesting this UTTERLY DISTURBED ME! By God's grace, I kept my voice down and explained to my father that I heard him, I forgive him but will not lay in bed with them. He was offended and begin to intimidate me by looking at me with angry eyes and said "Forgive me, I didn't ask to be forgiven, I didn't do anything wrong" and I said "that very reason is why I will not lay on this bed, until you take responsibility for your cruel actions I will not have an intimate relationship with you" Throughout my life, my father has offered me false hope and repeated his cruel behavior. That has been the cycle for years and I have carried the blame for everything for years. Everything was always my fault. I always taught they were justified in all that they did to me because I was bad and never did things right. The more I dive in God's word though, I am realizing that yes I may have fallen short in the past and I will continue to fall short but they too are responsible for their own actions.
I slept in my room last night against their will and I shared what happened with others against their will. They are upset and claim that my bible says to honor my parents and I don't but honor your parents does not mean to do everything they tell you to do. With all respect sleeping with my dad and mother at 22 is very uncomfortable especially if I don't trust them. Less than 3 hours ago he was screaming at me, getting in my face, challenging me and now because of they hurt me and grind me because they want what's best for me and no repentance, I should feel safe because they are good people and would never hurt me, really? why am I filled with scars then. I fell short yesterday in that I raised my voice and expressed my hurts to my parents but sadly all they could think about was me dishonoring by contradicting them, telling them how they've scarred me, putting things that they don't talk about in the light and screaming. They still think I'm crazy, they still feel justified and do not believe that I worship Jesus Christ. They believe they are Christians and I'm influenced by demons. Yep, that was my yesterday... Hopefully I'll get to eat today.
Pray for me Fam
After a couple months of knowing him, struggling to guard my heart, I confronted him about the partiality he showed me compared to my other sisters and demanded he tell me what his intentions were. The next day we talked and he confessed everything to me told me how he had been seeking the Lord for my hand and handed me his journal from way back when we first met and allowed me to read his prayer life and convo with the Lord about me and how much he desires to be with me. This was an exciting time for the both of us. He told me everything with fear not knowing that I too had been praying and seeking the Lord about him. When he found out that I felt the same and read my journal entries we continued to pray and serve together. That was in November 2010, now in May 2011 He officially asked me unto a courtship by giving me a Mineral Pendant Necklace reminding me of the time he went to the beach and brought me back a rock and how every stage of our friendship he gave me a rock so this is the new rock and I should know what the next rock will be ^_^ THE ENGAGEMENT RING!!!! I was sooooooo happy and thankful to the Lord. Although he has not officially proposed yet, he has been working really hard, saving up and wedding planning with me ever since.
We didn't care much for a wedding in the beginning but due to many of our believing friends's joy over our union we begin to entertain the thought. The more we wait around trying to accomplish our will in this friendship by saving up wedding planning, something chaotic happens and we are sure that the Lord is saying it's time! but we're not sure how to go about everything. It looks like we will have to not have a wedding after all. Things are getting worse at home, my father keeps verbally abusing me and threatening me to scare me into doing their will, which requires letting them have full control of where I spend my time, who I talk to and the decisions I have to make in life. Being a man who fears the Lord, Tyrell, the man I am courting, does not want to make any rash decisions and marry now because of everything going on. He instead is taking his time and seeking the Lord before he makes his next move. I on the other hand am questioning my sanity because my parents are telling me that I'm filled with illusions, I'm influenced by demons and need to start thinking straight. I'm also having a hard time being still and waiting for Tyrell to lead and obey the Lord.
My dad did not apologize for all the horrible things he said to me. After all the screaming was over, my mom called me into their bedroom to explain to me how I was wrong in this whole situation. My parents also explained to me that they only hurt me because they want what's best for me ending all their corrections and accusations with an invitation to lay in bed with them last night to forget everything that happened. I WAS UTTERLY DISTURBED BY THAT REQUEST! Are you kidding me??? What 22 year sleeps in bed with her parents to forget everything that "happened". On top of it, the fact that it was my dad requesting this UTTERLY DISTURBED ME! By God's grace, I kept my voice down and explained to my father that I heard him, I forgive him but will not lay in bed with them. He was offended and begin to intimidate me by looking at me with angry eyes and said "Forgive me, I didn't ask to be forgiven, I didn't do anything wrong" and I said "that very reason is why I will not lay on this bed, until you take responsibility for your cruel actions I will not have an intimate relationship with you" Throughout my life, my father has offered me false hope and repeated his cruel behavior. That has been the cycle for years and I have carried the blame for everything for years. Everything was always my fault. I always taught they were justified in all that they did to me because I was bad and never did things right. The more I dive in God's word though, I am realizing that yes I may have fallen short in the past and I will continue to fall short but they too are responsible for their own actions.
I slept in my room last night against their will and I shared what happened with others against their will. They are upset and claim that my bible says to honor my parents and I don't but honor your parents does not mean to do everything they tell you to do. With all respect sleeping with my dad and mother at 22 is very uncomfortable especially if I don't trust them. Less than 3 hours ago he was screaming at me, getting in my face, challenging me and now because of they hurt me and grind me because they want what's best for me and no repentance, I should feel safe because they are good people and would never hurt me, really? why am I filled with scars then. I fell short yesterday in that I raised my voice and expressed my hurts to my parents but sadly all they could think about was me dishonoring by contradicting them, telling them how they've scarred me, putting things that they don't talk about in the light and screaming. They still think I'm crazy, they still feel justified and do not believe that I worship Jesus Christ. They believe they are Christians and I'm influenced by demons. Yep, that was my yesterday... Hopefully I'll get to eat today.
Pray for me Fam
Monday, June 20, 2011
About Me
Hello Everyone,
I never thought I would start a blog page but I did =) The truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ hit me in 2007 and my life has never been the same. When introducing the Gospel, people tend to talk a lot about blessings and we rarely hear about the pain that many endure on a daily basis. We are living in the last days and there are many suffering for their faith.
I grew up as a Roman Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, had my first communion and Confirmation but never regarded Christ as Lord. I deceived myself into thinking I was a Christian when in reality I didn't live to do the will of my Father in heaven. I lived to accomplish my own will. In the Catholic faith purity is stressed so I, like many others did about everything else but have sexual intercourse and walked proudly boasting that I was still a virgin. I was prideful, suicidal and filled with hatred towards humanity.
One more thing you might want to know about me is that I was born in Haiti in 1989. Growing up there, I was exposed to a lot of sexual perversions, violence and demonic activities. I enjoyed my childhood in that I had fun but my life was designed very carefully by my parents in a way to protect me from harm. The people I associated with were on the same social class as I. They were either related to me or the children of my parents's friends. I never really had the opportunity to make any decision on my own. My parents kept me occupied with dance lessons, school, Cheerleading, modeling, piano lessons and more so that I would not be exposed to much.
Growing up, my parents used a lot of fear to force me into "willingly" doing their will. Every time I made a decision on my own, they would plant fears in me, tell me it's not good enough or give me the silent treatment. From Childhood, my family members were my Gods, I loved them, wanted to please them, I didn't know how much this idolatry would later be the very thing that's killing me. They were in control of everything, they were the filter of my life without their approval nothing can be done. I was never allowed to have a sleepover and never was I allowed to sleep over any one else's house. There were many rules to follow and I did everything in my power to keep them.
In 2007 someone shared the Gospel with me and after months of dissecting the word with me, I understood the truth of the Gospel was broken and begged the Lord to forgive me of my sins, redeem me and take me under His wing. For those of you who have experienced the transforming power of the gospel, I changed in the way I responded to things, my desires were different and that made things at home worse. My father begin to plant fear in me by calling me many vile names and threatening to harm me by taking my life. My mother was also angry with me for she is the most devout Catholic in the house and my brother utterly frustrated because his little sister wasn't "his" anymore. I also lost touch with many of my friends due to my new found faith and all. This was very hard for me since I spent my life living to please them, it hurt to know that they were displeased with me but I had to put Christ first.
By 2008 Things were getting so out of control at home that I ended up running away. I had to hide to read my bible, eat in secret because I did not want my father to see me because if he did, he would either get violent or start scaring me with his words or looks. While being away, I met another believer, I was thankful to the Lord. I thought that I would get to go to church, meet other "real Christians" and learn more about Christ but ended up getting raped and my heart condemns me until this day because the reason this happened to me was partially my fault. I knew it was wrong yet my flesh didn't care anymore. I felt like it was done, I was now trash, wasted goods and that my future husband would never want me. Although I knew it was wrong, I dived into sexual sin and continued to partake in that which I knew was wrong. The realization that it was after knowing Christ that I partook in such a thing choked me. I lived in condemnation and my condemnation sometimes led to more sin because I felt like nothing else mattered, I had already messed up.
After about 2 months, while in prayer, I asked the Lord to show me/tell me His will for me. I wondered if He still loved me, wanted to lead me and I came across 1 Thessalonians 4:3 "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" I was shocked that this verse even existed in the bible. I knew the Lord wanted me to move out of where I was and go back home. Overwhelmed at the reality of His presence I left and fearfully went back home to my parents. The house was calm for a couple of days but eventually they saw that I still had not returned to the Catholic faith and the war started all over again. I am still here after 3 years enduring and holding on. My brother tired of my father's harsh ways moved out and now it is just my father, mother and I.
Looking in one may wonder, where is God? Why isn't He protecting you or helping you? Although His hand may be hard to see, He is here. I'm still learning His word and sharing all that I've learned with others via Youtube, Facebook and more. The Lord is continuing to comfort me and give me strength to endure. I've also entered a new season and I cannot wait to update all of you on the big news!!! Since this is my first blog, I wanted to share a bit of my testimony with you all so you know a little about my background and what the Lord has done for me. Continue to put your trust in the Lord.
God Bless!
I never thought I would start a blog page but I did =) The truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ hit me in 2007 and my life has never been the same. When introducing the Gospel, people tend to talk a lot about blessings and we rarely hear about the pain that many endure on a daily basis. We are living in the last days and there are many suffering for their faith.
I grew up as a Roman Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, had my first communion and Confirmation but never regarded Christ as Lord. I deceived myself into thinking I was a Christian when in reality I didn't live to do the will of my Father in heaven. I lived to accomplish my own will. In the Catholic faith purity is stressed so I, like many others did about everything else but have sexual intercourse and walked proudly boasting that I was still a virgin. I was prideful, suicidal and filled with hatred towards humanity.
One more thing you might want to know about me is that I was born in Haiti in 1989. Growing up there, I was exposed to a lot of sexual perversions, violence and demonic activities. I enjoyed my childhood in that I had fun but my life was designed very carefully by my parents in a way to protect me from harm. The people I associated with were on the same social class as I. They were either related to me or the children of my parents's friends. I never really had the opportunity to make any decision on my own. My parents kept me occupied with dance lessons, school, Cheerleading, modeling, piano lessons and more so that I would not be exposed to much.
Growing up, my parents used a lot of fear to force me into "willingly" doing their will. Every time I made a decision on my own, they would plant fears in me, tell me it's not good enough or give me the silent treatment. From Childhood, my family members were my Gods, I loved them, wanted to please them, I didn't know how much this idolatry would later be the very thing that's killing me. They were in control of everything, they were the filter of my life without their approval nothing can be done. I was never allowed to have a sleepover and never was I allowed to sleep over any one else's house. There were many rules to follow and I did everything in my power to keep them.
In 2007 someone shared the Gospel with me and after months of dissecting the word with me, I understood the truth of the Gospel was broken and begged the Lord to forgive me of my sins, redeem me and take me under His wing. For those of you who have experienced the transforming power of the gospel, I changed in the way I responded to things, my desires were different and that made things at home worse. My father begin to plant fear in me by calling me many vile names and threatening to harm me by taking my life. My mother was also angry with me for she is the most devout Catholic in the house and my brother utterly frustrated because his little sister wasn't "his" anymore. I also lost touch with many of my friends due to my new found faith and all. This was very hard for me since I spent my life living to please them, it hurt to know that they were displeased with me but I had to put Christ first.
By 2008 Things were getting so out of control at home that I ended up running away. I had to hide to read my bible, eat in secret because I did not want my father to see me because if he did, he would either get violent or start scaring me with his words or looks. While being away, I met another believer, I was thankful to the Lord. I thought that I would get to go to church, meet other "real Christians" and learn more about Christ but ended up getting raped and my heart condemns me until this day because the reason this happened to me was partially my fault. I knew it was wrong yet my flesh didn't care anymore. I felt like it was done, I was now trash, wasted goods and that my future husband would never want me. Although I knew it was wrong, I dived into sexual sin and continued to partake in that which I knew was wrong. The realization that it was after knowing Christ that I partook in such a thing choked me. I lived in condemnation and my condemnation sometimes led to more sin because I felt like nothing else mattered, I had already messed up.
After about 2 months, while in prayer, I asked the Lord to show me/tell me His will for me. I wondered if He still loved me, wanted to lead me and I came across 1 Thessalonians 4:3 "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" I was shocked that this verse even existed in the bible. I knew the Lord wanted me to move out of where I was and go back home. Overwhelmed at the reality of His presence I left and fearfully went back home to my parents. The house was calm for a couple of days but eventually they saw that I still had not returned to the Catholic faith and the war started all over again. I am still here after 3 years enduring and holding on. My brother tired of my father's harsh ways moved out and now it is just my father, mother and I.
Looking in one may wonder, where is God? Why isn't He protecting you or helping you? Although His hand may be hard to see, He is here. I'm still learning His word and sharing all that I've learned with others via Youtube, Facebook and more. The Lord is continuing to comfort me and give me strength to endure. I've also entered a new season and I cannot wait to update all of you on the big news!!! Since this is my first blog, I wanted to share a bit of my testimony with you all so you know a little about my background and what the Lord has done for me. Continue to put your trust in the Lord.
God Bless!
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