Almost 2 months married!

Most ask us this question : "How does it feel?" Well surprisingly I don't feel any different... I'm just thankful made our marriage possible and blessed us as much as he has. It's been awesome having Tyrell around but we haven't really had time to just sit and plan things. We have a strong desire to share the Gospel and make disciples but it's been hard to plan an event or time to go out together so we've been in the hands the Lord. we consider everyday as sacred and we pray to be used by the Lord for His glory. Our prayer for 2012 is that we would witness many coming to the saving faith of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of mankind. May the Lord have His way!

Thank You Everyone!!!

Tyrell Officially Proposed!!! ^_^

Today was an amazing day filled with many obstacles and rich blessings from the Lord. Yesterday Tyrell told me  he wanted to take me on a date but he didn't want to tell me where to meet him, he wanted me to figure it out. The Hint was "Meet me somewhere special, it can be dark, it can be scary, but just remember that Seriah was talked about here." When I heard this, I immediately thought of the woods in his old neighborhood. This morning Tyrell woke me up saying he couldn't wait to see me. On my way to this special spot, Tyrell left pink notes sharing his love for me on electric poles and just random things outside so I had to keep an eye out for the pink slips. Finally when I made it to the woods, I walk in and found a gift with my name on it with directions not to open it and to leave the woods for he wasn't there. I continued walking and found another pink slip at a playground and it said to look for him. I had no idea where he was. Finally after looking around I found him! He was so happy to see me. Still confused about what's going on we sat down and the gift he had made for me was a book with verses to help me in my walk with the Lord. I read each page out loud and when I got to the last page it said

"DO NOT FEAR, OBEY THE LORD, TRUST IN HIS PROMISES, AND HE WILL BRING THEM TO PASS. WALK INTO HIS OCEANS WITH TOTAL ABANDON. DROWN IN HIS LOVE WITH NO RESERVATION."

I'm reading this and I'm thinking it's another verse when I look to see where it says that in the bible I saw

"Marie-Marthe will you waste your life with me?" referring to the song "I will waste my life" by Misty Edwards

And I started screaming, not believing what was taking place. He got down on one knee as I was screaming in disbelief and I said YES!!!! ^_^ I was soooo happy, I started tearing up. Our wedding is in 9 days and he labored and still blessed me with a beautiful engagement ring. God is sooo good and I am so thankful for God's provision. He later took me out to eat and spent the day with me until I had to leave for work =)

Ahhh!! The Website is officially up!

This is so exciting! Yet so crazy!!! It's been a hard year and although times were tough and I've shed many tears God sustained us both. This is such a hard time and I wish my circumstances were different but I thank God for simply being God. He is Sovereign, He is not moved. Therefore I will trust in Him.

Rough

Finally we started premarital counseling. Pastor Taylor, a reformed pastor that we respect has opened up his church to us, along with doing premarital counseling and the wedding. I am paying $75 for using the place but that's it. Sounds great doesn't it? But in the midst of that lots of crazy things are happening. I'm  currently a full time student and I'm also working a part time job. My job is about 1 hour and a half on the metro and requires for me to spend about $35 a week. My job has been going though lots of changes. This is my fourth week and I just now received a paycheck. I'm behind on my credit bills and my loan companies are writing me about past due dates not knowing that I'm still in school and need a deferment. I am beyond overwhelmed right now. My head hurt and I'm tempted not to submit to Tyrell's leadership anymore. I want to take matters into my own hands but even doing so what can I accomplish by such a task. I don't know what to do. I really need Christ to intervene, give me wisdom and provide for us. We have nothing and we're getting in more and more debt.

Redemption (Testimony)

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home where I learned the importance of penance and purity. If you grew up in a Roman Catholic home you know the importance of remaining a virgin until marriage. It was lifted up very highly. As a child I was exposed to many sexual activities but I always told myself I would save myself for my husband. I looked down on girls who engaged in sexual intimacy with their boyfriends. I even stopped talking to one of my best friends in high school because she lost her virginity and we were both Catholics. It's really silly because before then we were both doing ungodly things to indulge in our sinful sexual desires and since we weren't going around having sex we felt we were more righteous than others. I had so much pride in my virginity. It was my glory, my everything, my worth was in my virginity. It was the only thing I had that was my own. God's Standards are way higher than that though. Matthew 5:8 says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I was not pure, I was already stained yet I persecuted others.

Finally in 2007, a man who ministers to the youth saw my myspace and was concerned for it was designed with death everywhere. We got in contact and he would allow me to attack his faith as he pointed out different things wrong with the Roman Catholic Religion. Eventually after months of wrestling and attacking his faith, I was hit with the reality that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. Although I had heard this all my life, I never understood it to that extent. That very night, I prayed that Christ would redeem me, forgive me of my sins and enable me to have a personal relationship with him and thus began my journey. I look at the things that have taken place since I've begun my intimate relationship with the Lord and I am humbled to the core. I am amazed at my depravity and even my amazement right now shows my lack of humility for I am thinking of myself higher than I ought.

After Salvation, things got extremely hectic at home. Not only did I lose friends but my family members were turning against me. My dad in particular was very furious about my conversion. He had always been a very violent man growing up and after my conversion, he treathned me, cursed my future offsprings and constantly called me names like lazy, prostitute and so on. While all of this was happening, I had one person to run to apart from the Lord, yep! the same man who shared with me. I would call him up and tell him everything that's going on. I knew nothing about him yet trusted him because he introduced me to the doctrine that I now hold dear. Sadly he was a pedophile who had a horrible past and I just happen to be next on the list. Blind and gullible I ran to him whenever I was fearful or in pain. Eventually I became attached to him and he continued to advance his plans. He told me his age which was 30 at the time and I 18 but I didn't care at this point. He told me that God told him that I was his wife. He talked of his ability to see angels and his desire to be with me. One more thing, He was married and his wife was pregnant but had ran away from home. He claimed that she ran away because she thought she had the promised child Arianna in her stomach. He says that God revealed to him who his wife would be and nicknamed her Sapphire, he also said that God showed him that he would have a daughter by her called Arianna. He used God's word to explain to me that our "love" was good in God's eyes and that he was no longer bound because she ran away and a wife is not to run away from her husband.

December came around and he called my cell crying on the phone about being alone and having no one. He pointed out that although my family was mistreating me they were still around but he had no one. I felt sad and wanted to prove that I cared so I planned to visit him when school began since I would be on campus and my parents would have no clue. He paid for my bus fare and I headed to see him. The ride was long and I was all alone. It was pretty scary because I've never really roamed the streets alone because of my parent's strict rules but I was traveling to a different state far away to visit this "friend" of mine. I made it there the next day and there he stood smiling and expecting me. I remember him saying "Wow I can't believe you actually came" Making me feel special for doing such a wonderful thing for him. He had a small apartment. I came in the house and he had prepared a love hunt for me. I would go around the house and find different things that he prepared and left behind to display his love. Things like notes, chocolate and etc... I was pretty flattered. Having been on the bus for hours I went to the bathroom, took a shower and as I always did in the past, made sure I looked beautiful so that he would desire me when I came out. In my youthful years, I loved drawing men with my frame and beauty. If men didn't give me attention I felt worthless. I loved their worship but never gave them the desires of their hearts which on my occasions was sex. I didn't want the worship to stop. I came out and praises flowed from his lips and there it was, we kissed. As I noticed his passion, I made it clear to him that I wanted to wait until marriage to lose my virginity. He agreed and continued, praised me, told me how beautiful I was and desiring more of his touch I compromised. I told him we can do other things but not sex. He was happy and continued, I justified myself saying "oh I'm not having sex, so this is ok" Before you know it he was getting a little more aggressive and reminded him to keep his promise but he didn't. I started crying because I felt like my treasure, my self-worth was stolen from me. He then seeing my tears tried to persuade me that I was still a virgin and that he didn't go all the way whatever that may mean but I knew that what was done was done. I went to the bathroom, he followed me and said that it was because he loved me so much that he did it. He said I was so beautiful and his passion for me were too strong and that he could not practice self control. Hearing his plea, I took responsibility for everything that happened and forgave him because I knew I wasn't dressed appropriately, I compromised and allowed him to get to close so yes it is my fault.  

I left and again things got extremely hectic at home and since we remained friends and would talk every night. I told him everything that took place and he concluded that I wasn't safe there. He said that if I remained there, I would fall away from the faith. He promised to protect me, take me to church and much more. And what do you think I did? Yep! I packed my bags, dropped out of school and left for good, leaving a letter for my family. I fled to a totally different state, moved in with him and would not talk to anyone. When I got there some rules were laid down. He started to really show himself. He was a very jealous man. He sometimes would drink and tell me to drink with him. I was not allowed to go outside and I had to give him a report of all I did all day and whom I talked to throughout the day on the phone. I freely gave myself to him by this time and at times I would hide my pain so that he would be happy because if I complained he would compare me with his ex-wife and say "oh you're acting just like her, she always complained etc..." I wanted him to be pleased and I didn't want to be like everyone before me. Time went by and he kept none of his promises. He never took me to church and sometimes would go out and leave me in the house alone. He even went on shows for a day or two and then come back. I thought he had my best interest at heart but his jealous and controlling ways were a bit too much to handle.

I served him to the best of my abilities until one day broken in prayer I asked God what His will was for me. Through my daily bible studies, I fell upon 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” I was so thankful and surprised that this was even in the bible! I knew I had to leave but how?

Though I was fearful that my family would reject me and even though this would make him upset, the Lord enabled me to speak to him and share what I felt the Lord was telling me in His word. I told him that I felt the Lord was telling me to go back to my parents's house and to my surprise he accepted! Even though I had already read the verse and I knew God's will I still desired sexual intimacy and we did so until I left still believing that I was the promised Sapphire that the Lord had promised him. When I got home, he was still very controlling and harrassed me from afar. I expressed to him my desire to go to church and he suggested I take a look at a movement called Calvary chapel lead by Chuck Smith. Still foolishly trusting him, I went to visit this church and pretty much continued to fellowship there. A couple months went by and I couldn't handle his jealous spirit anymore, I grabbed some of my older sisters in the faith who were in leadership and confessed everything to them. I was in a mess, he wouldn't stop controlling me and I wanted to fellowship with Christ but I felt like he was in the way. I struggled with idolatry and when I didn't place him above God he didn't like that very much. In tears, I asked them to help me because I wanted to be free. I wanted to be able to worship the Lord without someone else in between making me feel like I’m incapable of hearing from the Lord. They made my pastor aware and there began another long journey where the guy was pretty much stalking and harassing me. I later changed my number and closed some of my email accounts. Now to point back to a truth that the Lord allowed me to remember. In high school, one of my classsmates ran away with a man she met online and I remember being confused and looking down on her thinking first of all he is old eww and you don't even know him that's stupid! and yet that was my life. 

As I grew in the Lord and made soem friends in the body, I began to discover who he really was and the Godly perspective on what had taken place. I had always taken responsibility for everything that had happened and lived in condemnation thinking "I seduced him, he was to weak, he was a victim, he didn't mean to do it. It's my fault." oh and the guilt that came from actually enjoying that which was forbidden was sometimes hard to swallow. I learned that I was not the first victim and I cannot take responsibility for Everything that happened.

Years later, I met my future husband and best friend Tyrell L. Samuels and the Lord really used him to bring some things to the surface that I may truly begin to heal from what had happened. I learned that yes, I sinned against the Lord but there is really no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and that the man that had brought me to the faith was responsible for his own sins and it was not for me to carry that on my back. He was older in the faith, he ministers to the youth, he knew better and yet he invited me to his home and violated me. The reality that I wasn't the first victim really helped me understand in see things for what they truly are. After realizing all of this in 2011, I had a desire to warn others because I know the truth and yet I remained silent for so long because my church had advised me to close the book and just get rid of everything he ever gave me.

By God's grace last month the Lord allowed us to find a 19 year old beautiful young lady who was in a relationship with him. How? It's amazing how the Lord made it happen. We were able to discern from his interactions with her on twitter that something was up and seeing that she was young we just felt in our heart that she was a target. My wonderful best friend and future husband got in contact with the man to ask him a couple questions and offer him a chance to repent but he instead block Tyrell to avoid exposure. We were left with only one thing to do. Trusting the Lord we found the girl on facebook and asked her if she was willing to talk. We set a meeting on skype and there the Lord allowed us to minister to her and warn her about the danger she was in. Through talking to her we found out that she lives all the way in Australia, used about $3,000 to go visit him and had already engaged in sexual intimacy with him. They were also getting ready to be married and a lot of her things are actually in the US with him. He used the same tactics to draw her from God told me you're my wife to the promised child Arianna. It was heart-breaking hearing her in tears but we could do nothing but praise God that we could even talk to her! The man whom I was involved with found out and was extremely upset that we got in contact with her but by God's grace she continued to contact us and update us on their relationship. Through much prayer, the Lord gave her the boldness and courage she needed to break up with him.

I am so thankful to the Lord for what He has done. Do continue to pray for her, she's a young believer and most of her stuff are still in the US. About the guy, he is a Christian Rapper and ministers to the youth. He has managed to hide his true identity until this day and most people don't know that leads a double life and that he continues to enter in these ungodly relationships with younger girls and engages in sexual sin with them. I am so glad that the Lord saw it fit to save me and I pray for more opportunities to warn whomever may come after my sister in Australia. I pray that he would repent and turn from his way and if he doesn't that the Lord would expose him for God's name sake.

So Fam what must we gain from all of this? God is holy, we are totally depraved and must always consider ourselves lest we fall. We ought not to think of ourselves higher than we ought. Do not be deceived by looking on the outward appearance of things, examine all things in light of Scripture! And Remember Jesus Saves! He works in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure. He still does miracles today, He is still healing today! He enabled me to repent and turn form my sins and protected me from harm. Looking at where I was and how He has moved, I can't help but give Him all the Praise and glory He so deserves! God is extremly good and Gracious. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Matthew 7:15

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

2 Timothy 3:1-9

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that! They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence ofa vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires. (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.) These teachers oppose the truth just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses. They have depraved minds and a counterfeit faith. But they won’t get away with this for long. Someday everyone will recognize what fools they are, just as with Jannes and Jambres

What is the purpose of Marriage

What is the Purpose of marriage?

"The wonder of marriage is woven into the wonder of the gospel of the cross of Christ, and the message of the cross is foolishness to the natural man, and so the meaning of marriage is foolishness to the natural man (1 Cor. 2:14)." John Piper

The call of being a husband or a wife is a very humbling call. Marriage is like the Hot water we put our bags of tea in. Marriage reveals to both partners their need for Grace, which in return causes them to demonstrate it.

I've heard it said that it's not marriage that fails but the people who fail and I couldn't agree more. The troubles you face are opportunities for you to exercise love by being patient, kind, selfless etc…(1 Cor. 13:4-8). And because of the Holy Spirit and your dependency on Him you'll be able to be self-controlled, long suffering, gentle and etc... (Galatians 5:22) This is the very reason why marriage without God fails. Unless one understands what God has done for them on the cross they won't be able to truly humble themselves and love their mates despite of their flaws because they know they have been forgiven much.

Wedding Planning!!! ^_^

We are so excited!!! God has definitely been moving and we are so thankful! Just for a recap, Tyrell and I don't have a home church and are still looking for one so that means we don't have a body of believers at our service to aid in the wedding preparations, my father has also disowned me and we were both unemployed. Although Tyrell hasn't had a stable job since January 2011. How has the Lord moved on our behalf??? Well...

Although unemployed the Lord has enabled Tyrell to provide not only for me but our little girl in Brazil that we are sponsoring through Compassion international.

Even though my father disowned me and we won't have help financially to have the wedding of our dreams the Lord allowed us to find an extremely awesome package for a beach wedding and it covers not only photography  but our honeymoon, chauffeur and much more!

Wedding Dress!!!! How will be able to afford a wedding dress???? Well Guess what? A Wedding dress is awaiting me as we speak! His mother's wedding dress, ready and available to me =)

Now the amount of money we need is $1425 that's it! That's all we need and we are so thankful and know that the Lord will provide and show Himself strong.

This has been a beautiful Journey and I cannot wait to see what else the Lord will do. Can't wait to start my life with the man I could never have imagined or hoped for! He is beyond anything I could ever ask the Lord. I am so thankful!

Seeking His Will

God's will is that I seek His glory.(John 7:15-20)

To seek His glory is to marry Tyrell!!! lol The beautiful truth that takes my breath away! Our God is soooo Good!

Living In Light of Eternity

God's will is that I focus on things above (1 John 2:15-17, Colossians 3:1-4)


Being Tyrell’s friend really sets my perspective straight and causes me to stay focused on advancing the kingdom of God. It’s easy to get distracted but seeing his zeal reminds me of what I ought to be doing. We both have a desire to make disciples and share the good news of Jesus Christ and being close definitely keeps us both from being consumed with ourselves. All Thanks to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for redeeming us!

Anti-Conformity

God's will is that I do not be conformed to the pattern of this world.
(Romans 12:1-2)

My relationship with Tyrell forces me to go against current! He pushes me to focus on God’s glory and that alone. From the way I dress and speak, he constantly reminds me to glorify God and do that which is most glorifying to the Lord. God is really using Tyrell to help me live for an audience of One, Christ! I've always cared about enhancing my physical features with Make-up and other things but now I'm learning more and more about real beauty and the things that Our Lord delights in. Christ cares about sanctifying us and developing our Character. In light of eternity, physical beauty is vain. His passion for Christ fuels mine and causes me to really be dedicated to Jesus Christ. Usually in our culture the bride chooses her dress and surprises her spouse on the wedding day but for our wedding day, he is basically choosing mine. A lot of things in our relationship go against tradition and culture but aligns with God’s word and I thank God for placing him in my life to help me care more about God’s opinion rather than that of others.

1Timothy 2:12-15

Idolatry

Jer 7:18 The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger. Jer 7:18 The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger. Jer 44:18 But since we left off to burn incense to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto her, we have wanted all things, and have been consumed by the sword and by the famine. Jer 44:19 And when we burned incense to the queen of heaven, and poured out drink offerings unto her, did we make her cakes to worship her, and pour out drink offerings unto her, without our men? Judg 2:13 And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth. "Do not turn to idols, nor make for yourselves molded gods: I [am] the LORD your God." Leviticus 19:4 "Thus says the LORD: "What injustice have your fathers found in Me, That they have gone far from Me, Have followed idols, And have become idolaters?" Jeremiah 2:5 "Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'Thus says the Lord GOD: "Repent, turn away from your idols, and turn your faces away from all your abominations." Ezekiel 14:6 "My people ask counsel from their wooden [idols], And their staff informs them. For the spirit of harlotry has caused [them] to stray, And they have played the harlot against their God." Hosea 4:12 "Those who regard worthless idols Forsake their own Mercy." Jonah 2:8 "What profit is the image, that its maker should carve it, The molded image, a teacher of lies, That the maker of its mold should trust in it, To make mute idols" Habakkuk 2:18 "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen." 1 John 5:21

God is Holy

If there's anything I learned throughout my relationship with Tyrell it is that God is holy. Never in my life have I met a man who breaks over his sins like Tyrell. He reminds of me of the prophet Isaiah, he truly sees himself as undone and it breaks his heart. Seeing him break over his sins reminds me of the Grandeur of the holiness of Christ and my utter wicked wretched self and all I'm left to do is cry out for mercy. May the Lord continue to Sanctify us.

It's All About Him

Have you read the story of the life of Amy Carmichael or Joni Eareckson Tada? Have you ever wondered "Why did God allow this to happen to that person? Amy was doing a wonderful work in India, why did the Lord allow her to get so  sick that she could not continue in the work that she was doing for the Lord there? Many times in my walk I look at my plans and all the hard work I put into making it happen and I expect the Lord to consider my hard work and to work in light of that. Sounds confusing? Let me explain. For example let's say I'm driving on the highway heading to a sister's house to minister to her and be there for her and my car breaks down. I think "Lord why are you allowing this, I'm heading to so and so's house to serve You... Why would you allow this? I went through a lot, took the day off work, studied specific verses and prepared and now you're allowing this to happen." Many of us forget that He has a plan and that it is all about Him. When we live in light of the reality that Jesus is Lord than we would be receiving circumstances with patience rather than frustrations and etc... because It's all about Him. He desires to develop our character/conform us to the image of His son, that is what's most important not our vain plans to have stability in this life. All our pitiful plans are vain for this life is passing away. Let us renew our mind and follow Christ remembering that He is Lord and He is in full Control

Origin of Traditions: Weddings!

So Tyrell and I are still preparing for our wedding and today something hit me. Where in the bible does it say that one must have a wedding celebration? Why do we partake in it? Why not just make a vow before people? Where are the laws for how to go about a wedding in the bible? & if it's nowhere in the bible who started it? I began to do some research and I was shocked at some of the stuff I found. As believers we should not simply follow tradition and keep up with everyone, we ought to question everything and examine them in light of scripture. Is this what glorifies the Lord the most? We are to go against current and focus not on the things of this world that perish but on eternal things.

Here are a couple links to get a glimpse of what I've found
http://www.pibweddings.com/traditionsorigins.html

http://articles.cnn.com/2008-06-27/living/wedding.traditions_1_wedding-gowns-wedding-party-white-
wedding-dress?_s=PM%3ALIVING

Camp Resistance

This summer has been awesome! Actually I think I've been dreaming ever since the Lord allowed Tyrell to share his true intentions with me back in October 2010. Since then, the Lord has opened many doors for us to travel, minister and fellowship with believers from various background. It has truly been an adventure. God is so good! =)

We recently got a chance to head to the National Mall in Washington DC. It felt so surreal! We visited the Holocaust museum and discussed Total depravity and tried to look at everything from a biblical standpoint. Later, he took me to his favorite garden to show me some of his favorite flowers. Beautiful day! I praise the Lord for days like this! What a gift!

Thankfulness

God's will is that I be thankful in all circumstances, or give thanks in all circumstances. (Ephesians 5:20) The persecution in my home has increased since Tyrell has revealed his intentions to me. Many times I'm tempted to be cast down but the Lord continues to use Tyrell to point me to Himself. I'm constantly reminded that no man can shake God’s plan and so I should rejoice knowing that the Lord will have His way. He reminds me that all things happen for a reason and that God is in control thus causing me to give thanks. I thank God for Tyrell but not my circumstances. Am I to think Him for my circumstances as well? Hmm… well re-reading this verse it says thankful IN all circumstances and I have been more than thankful in my circumstances because Our Lord died for me and placed Tyrell right here, in my life to point me to Him when I am at my lowest. He is  my own personal Barnabas!

Sanctification

God's Will is that I be sanctified. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.

Indeed God did not call me to uncleanness and each day that goes by, my passion for him grows! Yes being transparent. This is quite embarrassing but true. The Lord’s will is my sanctification, that I should learn to possess my own vessel in sanctification and honor and I’m definitely learning that as I wait to finally be his wife. One thing I’m thankful about is that there is no sin in marrying, that is actually encouraged. The depth of my passion for him, which is ever growing, is confirmation to me that the Lord is indeed calling us to matrimony. Another problem we have is that not being married hinders us from doing things that we desire to do to be a witness to those around us. In order to do them, we would have to spend lots of time together preparing and spending to much time together causes our passion to grow, not spending time together things do not get done so I only see one call marriage!

Now outside of our fleshy desires, Sanctification itself is definitely taking place. The Lord continues to show me the depth of my wickedness and need to depend on Him and Him alone through my friendship with Tyrell. I’ve also learned that I truly have nothing to offer the Lord, He did it all on the cross anything else I have to offer cannot be compared. I must depend on His grace and mercy at all times I cannot move God by my works. He is Holy and my works do not make me right with Him!

God's Will

Things are getting harder in Tyrell and I's relationship in that we cannot wait to be married. The more time we spend in God's word, the more we are assured that our union is what glorifies the Lord most. He is more than I could ever ask for in a man. He has qualities that I didn't even think to ask for but need. I absolutely love being around him. I love working together with him to come up with different lessons and ways to expose falsehood and shed light on truth. We both have a passion for God's word and desire to disciple others that they may go and disciple others. When I was away in New York for the month of April, I spent some time alone with the Lord to truly understand why Tyrell was the man I was to come along side of for God's glory. I was meditating on God's will and according to scripture these  are some verses I found describing God's will and I examine my relationship with Tyrell in light of them.

• God's will is that I be sanctified.(1 Thessalonians 4:3)
• God's will is that I be thankful in all circumstances, or give thanks in all circumstances. (Ephesians 5:20)
• God's will is that I do not be conformed to the pattern of this world. (Romans 12:1-2)
• God's will is that I focus on His kingdom (1 John 2:15-17, Colossians 3:1-4)
• God's will is that I seek His glory.(John 7:15-20)

Tears and more tears...

I am literally in tears right now. I am so HURT! I can pretend and try to be defensive but where will that get me. Sorry I don't have a word of encouragement for all of you today but I'm really broken and I'm hoping that blogging my pain will not only enable me to hang on but will encourage someone one day who may be going through the same thing because they will see God's faithfulness in pulling out of this.

So I was in the shower and my father came home. In the past whenever I'm in the bathroom, he would open the door on me and stare at me and then say something like "what are you doing" or just a random question after staring at me covering myself out of shame because of my nakedness. Knowing this horrible habit of his I always lock the door whenever I take a shower now. So I turn off the water and it's still dripping still a little and as I'm drying myself off he comes and tries to open the door as usual to which I replied "I'm in the bathroom" He doesn't responds and goes to his bedroom. Not knowing if it was truly him who came home, I grabbed my cellphone, called my mother and asked her if she was home and she said no so I knew it had to be my dad. I sneak out of the bathroom with my towel on run to my bedroom and quickly clothe myself because I don't have a lock on my door so he can walk in on me any minute. I got dressed, was confused about what my next move should be. Should I go and say hello, he has been scarring me for a couple days now. If I don't say hello I get rebuked harshly and disciplined if I do I'm ignored and hurt. Sighs... with fear I went to go say hello and opened the door and to my surprise he took the chained door lock and locked the door to keep me out. Broken, I said "Hi papi, I was just saying hi" and I pulled the door shut and he once again ignored me. He put the lock on quietly and laid on his back to see me come and greet him and be shocked by what I saw.

All I could do was go to my room and quietly weep like a baby... I'm so broken. I continue to die to myself to serve him because I'm called to honor him and he continues to reward me with scars. This is sooo hard for me. I am soooo hurt. What will I have to offer my husband? I have nothing.... I can't even operate the way I was created to function because of all the damage done by the amount of abuse I received throughout my life.  I'm so hurt, I'm so broken =(

Faith vs Foolishness

So as you all know, Tyrell and I will be getting married pretty soon. The Lord has definitely made His will clear through our daily convictions and we are preparing to obey the Lord.

Our circumstance is pretty bad because we're both in College and we will have debts to deal with. Many look at us and say that it is foolish for us to get married so young because we don't have everything in order but we know that the Lord is calling us to marry.

It's really sad how as a child we are taught to trust in Jesus to have faith but when we need to exercise our faith most we are told to use wisdom and not trust God. We are encouraged to lean upon our own understanding and not obey the Lord until we feel confident enough to move forward. Churches are teaching believers to be self-sufficient and prepared. This is sooo sad we are raising an "organized" self-sufficient generation with no faith in God! Many are believing they can have control of their lives when they really don't.

It's a really hard step to take and although we will look like fools we are more than confident that the Lord will continue to be faithful and guide us in how we should go about serving Him as a couple. Our greatest joy comes from the fact that we complement each other and can better work together to serve the Lord, share the Good News of Jesus Christ and disciple others for the glory of God. If you are marrying to find fulfillment beware! Marry because this is what glorifies the Lord most. It is about God's Glory.

Christ, My Deliverer

Yesterday was another hard day. Last time I went out of the house was Tuesday. I saw my earthly father yesterday and in obedience to Christ I greeted him and he, like he normally does, gave me a look that crushed my spirit and ignored me. Even now as I am writing, I am questioning my reality. did that really happen? Is he really upset because I a 22 year old after my father had screamed at me and threatened me refused to lay with him in bed? Does he really feel justified as he says he is? Does he not see how disturbing and illogical his request does? Does he really feel like he did nothing wrong as he said? Am I just ungrateful and losing my mind? Should I just submit to receive love and support from my parents? well... I did that I submitted did what they desired, kept the rules and I still did not receive love and support because they kept finding things in my character and just life and general that they thought weren't good enough. They weren't satisfied, they wanted more and if I didn't do it quickly they would slander me and control my every actions to the best of their abilities.

This morning I woke up and read "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation." Psalm 68:5 Our Lord is not deaf nor is He blind that He cannot see. He hears and sees all that is taking place and He hears me crying out to Him. Our God is faithful and He is good. I must exercise my faith and believe that He is here, and he sees it all. Seeing how unhealthy this environment is for me, I am believing that He is working behind the scenes to get me out of here If not soon by the end of this 2011-2012 School year. He has already laid it on Tyrell's heart to marry and so it's only a matter of time. Tyrell shared with me his desire to marry before this got worse so the mental attack of "you're just marrying now because you're in a bad environment" Fails. It's just not true, for way before then, he shared what he thought the Lord was sharing with Him. This circumstance only adds an urgency. We were planning a wedding and now we do not think that having this celebration is important. If a person wants to throw us a wedding PRAISE GOD! but we will not save the money the Lord has given us to throw ourselves a wedding. It just seems a bit out of order. 

Another verse that comes to mind  was Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Verse 8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." And verse 9, 10, 11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? "Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" YES! How much more Will My Father in Heaven, who died for me that I may obtain freedom and live for Him on this earth, glorify Him and aid in advancing His Kingdom. Surely He will deliver me, surely He will save me. 

I've already begun packing, I don't believe I'll be here for long AT ALL. Trusting in His faithfulness, trusting in His Character. I will pray and wait on the Lord. May He sustain me and protect me from harm. 

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED AND AM PERSUADED THAT HE IS ABLE TO KEEP WHAT I HAVE COMMITTED TO HIM UNTIL THAT DAY." 2 Timothy 1:8-12

Courtship day! ^_^

We took this picture on the day Tyrell officially asked me on a courtship. Although I was aware of his intentions and we knew that the Lord was calling us to marriage, Tyrell and I never sat down and made our union official. We were good friends, we continued to pray, serve together and get to know each other's family members. After being away from each other for a whole month in New York, he asked me to officially Court him and spoiled me with many gifts. Some handmade, some bought ^_^ I was sooo thankful.

Learning To Be Still

Yesterday was extremely hard. Due to much chaos in my home, I spent the whole day without eating. What's the big news you ask? Well Over a year in a half ago the Lord placed a wonderful young man in my life who loves the Lord and has the same burdens and passions as I do. We met while I was president of an organization that provided assistance to parents with children who have disabilities. Over time we ended up serving together on a campus ministry and the more we served the Lord together the more we were drawn to one another. I was secretly seeking the Lord about him and he was secretly seeking the Lord about me.

After a couple months of knowing him, struggling to guard my heart, I confronted him about the partiality he showed me compared to my other sisters and demanded he tell me what his intentions were. The next day we talked and he confessed everything to me told me how he had been seeking the Lord for my hand and handed me his journal from way back when we first met and allowed me to read his prayer life and convo with the Lord about me and how much he desires to be with me. This was an exciting time for the both of us. He told me everything with fear not knowing that I too had been praying and seeking the Lord about him. When he found out that I felt the same and read my journal entries we continued to pray and serve together. That was in November 2010, now in May 2011 He officially asked me unto a courtship by giving me a Mineral Pendant Necklace reminding me of the time he went to the beach and brought me back a rock and how every stage of our friendship he gave me a rock so this is the new rock and I should know what the next rock will be ^_^ THE ENGAGEMENT RING!!!! I was sooooooo happy and thankful to the Lord. Although he has not officially proposed yet, he has been working really hard, saving up and wedding planning with me ever since.

We didn't care much for a wedding in the beginning but due to many of our believing friends's joy over our union we begin to entertain the thought. The more we wait around trying to accomplish our will in this friendship by saving up wedding planning, something chaotic happens and we are sure that the Lord is saying it's time! but we're not sure how to go about everything. It looks like we will have to not have a wedding after all. Things are getting worse at home, my father keeps verbally abusing me and threatening me to scare me into doing their will, which requires letting them have full control of where I spend my time, who I talk to and the decisions I have to make in life. Being a man who fears the Lord, Tyrell, the man I am courting, does not want to make any rash decisions and marry now because of everything going on. He instead is taking his time and seeking the Lord before he makes his next move. I on the other hand am questioning my sanity because my parents are telling me that I'm filled with illusions, I'm influenced by demons and need to start thinking straight. I'm also having a hard time being still and waiting for Tyrell to lead and obey the Lord.

My dad did not apologize for all the horrible things he said to me. After all the screaming was over, my mom called me into their bedroom to explain to me how I was wrong in this whole situation. My parents also explained to me that they only hurt me because they want what's best for me ending all their corrections and accusations with an invitation to lay in bed with them last night to forget everything that happened. I WAS UTTERLY DISTURBED BY THAT REQUEST! Are you kidding me??? What 22 year sleeps in bed with her parents to forget everything that "happened". On top of it, the fact that it was my dad requesting this UTTERLY DISTURBED ME! By God's grace, I kept my voice down and explained to my father that I heard him, I forgive him but will not lay in bed with them. He was offended and begin to intimidate me by looking at me with angry eyes and said "Forgive me, I didn't ask to be forgiven, I didn't do anything wrong" and I said "that very reason is why I will not lay on this bed, until you take responsibility for your cruel actions I will not have an intimate relationship with you" Throughout my life, my father has offered me false hope and repeated his cruel behavior. That has been the cycle for years and I have carried the blame for everything for years. Everything was always my fault. I always taught they were justified in all that they did to me because I was bad and never did things right. The more I dive in God's word though, I am realizing that yes I may have fallen short in the past and I will continue to fall short but they too are responsible for their own actions.

I slept in my room last night against their will and I shared what happened with others against their will. They are upset and claim that my bible says to honor my parents and I don't but honor your parents does not mean to do everything they tell you to do. With all respect sleeping with my dad and mother at 22 is very uncomfortable especially if I don't trust them. Less than 3 hours ago he was screaming at me, getting in my face, challenging me and now because of they hurt me and grind me because they want what's best for me and no repentance, I should feel safe because they are good people and would never hurt me, really? why am I filled with scars then. I fell short yesterday in that I raised my voice and expressed my hurts to my parents but sadly all they could think about was me dishonoring by contradicting them, telling them how they've scarred me, putting things that they don't talk about in the light and screaming. They still think I'm crazy, they still feel justified and do not believe that I worship Jesus Christ. They believe they are Christians and I'm influenced by demons. Yep, that was my yesterday... Hopefully I'll get to eat today.
Pray for me Fam

About Me

Hello Everyone,


I never thought I would start a blog page but I did =) The truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ hit me in 2007 and my life has never been the same. When introducing the Gospel, people tend to talk a lot about blessings and we rarely hear about the pain that many endure on a daily basis. We are living in the last days and there are many suffering for their faith. 


I grew up as a Roman Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, had my first communion and Confirmation but never regarded Christ as Lord. I deceived myself into thinking I was a Christian when in reality I didn't live to do the will of my Father in heaven. I lived to accomplish my own will. In the Catholic faith purity is stressed so I, like many others did about everything else but have sexual intercourse and walked proudly boasting that I was still a virgin. I was prideful, suicidal and filled with hatred towards humanity. 


One more thing you might want to know about me is that I was born in Haiti in 1989. Growing up there, I was exposed to a lot of sexual perversions, violence and demonic activities. I enjoyed my childhood in that I had fun but my life was designed very carefully by my parents in a way to protect me from harm. The people I associated with were on the same social class as I. They were either related to me or the children of my parents's friends. I never really had the opportunity to make any decision on my own. My parents kept me occupied with dance lessons, school, Cheerleading, modeling, piano lessons and more so that I would not be exposed to much. 


Growing up, my parents used a lot of fear to force me into "willingly" doing their will. Every time I made a decision on my own, they would plant fears in me, tell me it's not good enough or give me the silent treatment. From Childhood, my family members were my Gods, I loved them, wanted to please them, I didn't know how much this idolatry would later be the very thing that's killing me. They were in control of everything, they were the filter of my life without their approval nothing can be done. I was never allowed to have a sleepover and never was I allowed to sleep over any one else's house. There were many rules to follow and I did everything in my power to keep them.


In 2007 someone shared the Gospel with me and after months of dissecting the word with me, I understood the truth of the Gospel was broken and begged the Lord to forgive me of my sins, redeem me and take me under His wing. For those of you who have experienced the transforming power of the gospel, I changed in the way I responded to things, my desires were different and that made things at home worse. My father begin to plant fear in me by calling me many vile names and threatening to harm me by taking my life. My mother was also angry with me for she is the most devout Catholic in the house and my brother utterly frustrated because his little sister wasn't "his" anymore. I also lost touch with many of my friends due to my new found faith and all. This was very hard for me since I spent my life living to please them, it hurt to know that they were displeased with me but I had to put Christ first. 


By 2008 Things were getting so out of control at home that I ended up running away. I had to hide to read my bible, eat in secret because I did not want my father to see me because if he did, he would either get violent or start scaring me with his words or looks. While being away, I met another believer, I was thankful to the Lord. I thought that I would get to go to church, meet other "real Christians" and learn more about Christ but ended up getting raped and my heart condemns me until this day because the reason this happened to me was partially my fault. I knew it was wrong yet my flesh didn't care anymore. I felt like it was done, I was now trash, wasted goods and that my future husband would never want me. Although I knew it was wrong, I dived into sexual sin and continued to partake in that which I knew was wrong.  The realization that it was after knowing Christ that I partook in such a thing choked me. I lived in condemnation and my condemnation sometimes led to more sin because I felt like nothing else mattered, I had already messed up.


After about 2 months, while in prayer, I asked the Lord to show me/tell me His will for me. I wondered if He still loved me, wanted to lead me and I came across 1 Thessalonians 4:3  "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" I was shocked that this verse even existed in the bible. I knew the Lord wanted me to move out of where I was and go back home. Overwhelmed at the reality of His presence I left and fearfully went back home to my parents. The house was calm for a couple of days but eventually they saw that I still had not returned to the Catholic faith and the war started all over again. I am still here after 3 years enduring and holding on. My brother tired of my father's harsh ways moved out and now it is just my father, mother and I. 


Looking in one may wonder, where is God? Why isn't He protecting you or helping you? Although His hand may be hard to see, He is here. I'm still learning His word and sharing all that I've learned with others via Youtube, Facebook and more. The Lord is continuing to comfort me and give me strength to endure. I've also entered a new season and I cannot wait to update all of you on the big news!!! Since this is my first blog, I wanted to share a bit of my testimony  with you all so you know a little about my background and what the Lord has done for me. Continue to put your trust in the Lord.


God Bless!