Anger Anyone???

This weekend was very difficult for my husband and I. We had a huge argument. By God's grace my husband realized he was wrong and like the wonderful God-fearing man that he is, he came back to me and apologized. I listened to him but was too angry to be grateful. I lost my temper during the argument, bruised my right hand and raised my voice. I was angry because I lost control and I was also angry because I felt like I was a horrible witness for the Lord in the apartment complex that we live in. This was Friday night. Saturday night, my husband opened his precious heart to me and told me something I didn't like and I was so upset that I went downstairs to our living room and pretty much cried, prayed and listened to sermons on God's Character until I was calm. It was an extremely humbling weekend and my eyes still burn from all the tears. This is horrible please pray that the Lord would help you not to do what I did Friday and Saturday. Continuing in such a pattern would only create a hostile environment in your marriage and cause your spouse not to open up. My husband can be very gracious and he knew about my anger issues before marrying me and so he tries to long-suffering and help me find better ways to express myself. I'm so thankful for how patient he is. I've never had someone slow me down and help me evaluate why I'm getting angry and what I want to articulate. I know this probably sounds silly but this is one of the many ways the Lord is using my marriage to sanctify me and help me.

A little Background
Growing up, I've always had an anger problem. In my teenage years, I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and occasionally hurt myself physically when I was upset. My parents had an extremely hard time having children so when the Lord opened my mother's womb everyone was happy. When she gave birth to me though painful she was overjoyed. My brother who is 5 years older than me loved his little sister and was always very protective. My dad along with my mother covered me attention and affection. I rarely didn't get what I wanted. I was and still am a horrible sinner. I cried all the time (so much so that they would tease me and call me a cry baby), I demanded my way and when I didn't get it, I screamed until I did. All my issues as a teenager came from the fact that I was a murderer at heart, who wants to rule and control everyone. I yearned for constant affirmation, affection and service. Without those things I felt unloved and wanted to destroy everyone including myself. I didn't know or understand how to live without these things. After becoming a believer at 18, I still struggled horribly. I was no longer screaming until I got what I wanted but would lose my temper, yell and say things that would scar others. Salvation made the war in my members more real. I realized that I was not in control and that I desperately needed the Lord to rescue me. It is only through surrender to Jesus as LORD that I am set free. This is still very hard today but I definitely see God's hand and I'm humbled and brought back to reality when I fail. Whatever good I am able to do as a Christian it is only by His grace. I know how depraved I am and I war in my members daily. Today I just want to praise God for dying on the cross and making salvation available to those who would believe and call upon His name. I think Him for drawing me to Himself and suffering long with me and working in me. I clearly deserve nothing but His wrath and yet he gives me life time and time again. What a Savior! What a God! Who can love like that?


Praise be to God my husband and I are fine now. I'm so thankful that the Lord broke my heart, humbled me and helped me to forgive my husband and not be bitter. Glory to God!

Psalm 130: 3-8

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.

 
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.
 
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
    For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
    and with him is plentiful redemption.

And he will redeem Israel
    from all his iniquities.