Where Are The Boundaries?

We are Closed gardens who belong to the Lord. No one should be allowed to smell the flowers nor see what types of flowers are beyond the gates unless our Lord gives them the key. 

It's so sad, we've gotten to a place where we place limitations on those who should be intimate and yet allow those who are not pursuing intimacy to cross every line. I see so many books on dating and boundaries and have yet to come across one on singleness and using discretion/having boundaries. We encourage our singles to create intimacy with one another, enjoy the emotional blessings of marriage and yet expect a smooth transition when they are being called to marriage.

Here's how this reality has wrecked havoc in Ty and I's marriage.

I had to endure and still endure sisters flirting with my husband in my presence, grab and force themselves on him to hug him as we enter a place and neglecting to say anything to me, treat me very harshly because they felt like they lost something that was rightfully theirs.

This is such a serious topic that is being ignored in the church. 
Singles not knowing that they ought to have discretion, crossing each others boundaries, creating emotional intimacy with other singles of the opposite sex, revealing things that only their husbands should know along with depending on them when feeling sad, angry etc... 

It's not OK to enjoy the blessings of marriage in our singleness with a man who is not our husbands. I didn't understand this truth and partook in it until the Lord called me to marry my husband.

We have been so preoccupied by the "Don't have sex" movement that we have neglected to teach many other boundaries that are just as important. We ought not to cross any lines, we ought not to create attachments that will later have to be destroyed for the glory of God. Let us all fervently seek the Lord about this for this is not about keeping some law of discretion, modesty, purity etc... but a matter of the heart.

Here are my husband's thoughts and word of advice when it comes to this topic.

"Facebook is a fire waiting to consume marriages...especially if you have a past history with many members of the opposite sex. Your brothers and sisters in Christ are the most dangerous if they do not understand their roles as a brother or sister. Things like pet names, facebook hearts, overstepping that persons marital boundaries, and such wreak havoc daily on the security of couples intimacy. It takes much wisdom to not usurp someone's husband or wife in something like a comment on a status. Like the Rock used to say. Know your role...and I would add, be wise in how you speak to someone else's husband or wife. You have NO rights or authority on them aside from that which is outlined in scripture. Perhaps you had some type of unlawful access to them when they were single, but that does not justify you trespassing into their marriage now. Many of my dearest sisters in the Lord have been my most consistent home wreckers not only to I, but to other brothers. I have no legalistic laws to place here, just be wise, and respect the sanctity of people's marriage. If you truly understand what I'm saying, then you will see that this process starts in respecting single people whom you are not intentionally pursuing for marriage. Why have access to someone that will have to be cut when you or the other marry? All of this I have learned the hard way. God Bless!-Ty"