Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.

 Confused? Let me explain. At the age of 13 I begged my mother to perm my hair so that I could be like everyone else at school. After that I worshiped self and was consumed me the desire to be loved and accepted in other words worshiped by my peers. I wanted to seduce men with my hair and body and stir in envy in the hearts of women so that they would wish they were like me. I was very proud and took pleasure in vain things that lead straight to hell. Praise God almighty for snatching me from that path and placing me on this hard and narrow road that leads to life for His name's sake. After Salvation, I continued to perm my hair and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that perming your hair is sinful. Every time I got a perm, there was the temptation to get in that mindset again. I wanted to be noticed, I wondered whether or not others were envious, if other men noticed and were moved just silly stuff. After I met my husband, he encouraged me to go natural not because he knew of my struggle but just because he was curious about what my natural hair texture was. I agreed, thought it would be fun and so did it. The months after that were the MOST HUMBLING MONTHS OF MY LIFE!!! I woke in the morning and I couldn't just pull my hair up or brush my hair and go out. It took a long time every morning to tame my hair and make it some what presentable before heading out. It was torture, I felt so ugly and unkept. I was embarrassed no longer had my head held up and my back straight longing for the attention of others who I would pass by I was instead wishing I was invisible and was shocked everytime a person addressed me publically. During that time I was also learning about modesty and how my clothes shouldn't expose my frame but cover it so I was looking a mess most days. Not knowing what to wear and definitely not knowing what to do with my hair! Later on that year 2011 it was time for Tyrell and I to marry and so after after 6 months of persevering I gave up and got a perm so that I would feel/look "beautiful" on my wedding day. Too bad I took my insecurities down the isle with me. I had the make up on, a nice dress, my permed hair and yet felt ugly. As the ceremony went on I saw Tyrell and was consumed with anxiety as we prepared to kiss for the first time. Thinking about standing at the altar still makes my heart race with panic as I ponder on the reality that we had to do that publically. Anyway, after the wedding I vowed not to get another perm. I continued with God's help and began to embrace this new life our Lord was calling me to. Over time, I learned to focus on serving our Lord and of course submitting to my husband. It was a very hard and long road but I learned alot about what it means to be a woman of a meek and quiet spirit. I also learned that we women can be loud without opening our lips. We can be loud with the way we carry ourselves, the clothes we wear, the way we do our hair, our make up and so much more. After examining myself and repenting, I finally cut all my permed hair on December 11th 2012. I'm really grateful for God's patience and my husband's support through this transition. I'm learning more about modesty and what to wear to look presentable. I'm also learning what true beauty is and what being meek looks and feels like. Yes there were times I broke down but this was so worth it. Throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, so that I could run the race marked out for me. Not sure what you guys may be facing or struggling with but I encourage you to examine your hearts, pray and lay aside every weight that slows you down, especially the sin that so easily trips you up. 

Be Blessed family!

November 6, 2012

3 Months! ^_^

Birth Control

Coming from a Roman Catholic background, I tend to look at my sisters' lives see them doing something good like having a natural birth and making it a law that I must follow in order to glorify and honor the Lord. I find myself constantly in chains, entangled in laws I've placed on myself. Our Lord, so faithful and merciful continually points this out to me and shows me the idolatry in my heart. As you all know my husband and I have been convicted about birth control since before we were married, by the grace of God we were with child soon after we married. The Lord in His wisdom saw it fit to allow us to have a C-section and as a result we were told not to have children for at least 18 months. We now use a method of birth control and it hasn't been easy. The enemy never ceases to labor and my husband and I have to constantly wrestle against condemnation and much more. Not sure what the Lord is doing but looking forward to learning more about the will of God concerning our family size. We don't know whether it is something we ought to surrender to Him or our responsibility to plan as a couple. It's all so confusing. We're still reading the word and praying. Lord willing He will answer our cry soon.

Simple White Cake

(Recipe I found online, haven't tried it yet :)

1 cup white sugar

1/2 cup butter

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup milk

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x9 inch pan or line a muffin pan with paper liners.

2. In a medium bowl, cream together the sugar and butter. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Combine flour and baking powder, add to the creamed mixture and mix well. Finally stir in the milk until batter is smooth. Pour or spoon batter into the prepared pan.

3. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes in the preheated oven. For cupcakes, bake 20 to 25 minutes. Cake is done when it springs back to the touch.

Self-Control

Do you have a hard time receiving correction? Do you find yourrself frustrated, lashing out and lacking self-control?

Here is an amazing Sermon by Carolyn Mahaney that has truly helped me in this area.

Being Self-Controlled

A Crazy Ride

Dropped my laptop on the bare ground in all of my pride last night, but praise the Lord it is still working. In other news Azariah Aideen Samuels is here. Born July 30th in an emergency C Section. Baby is healthy, Marie is fine but in a lot of pain. Please pray for her. I haven't really slept since Sunday...don't think things will change anytime soon. Praying for greater grace :). Wow...I'm a father. Sooo weirrrrddddd!!! The rescue mission begins...May the Lord be merciful to this wretched sinner :)

I'm Amazed at the Lord's ability to take my callousness toward the Church and make me appreciate it beyond measure. He has done this by stripping away members of mines and my wife's real family and allowing the church to take their place. Though this grieves my inner man and requires much wisdom to maneuver through backlash and anger on their part, I am glad that God is sovereign over my sins and ABLE to provide for my wife and I because we are His children. I am also exceedingly amazed that God took this spoiled brat who lived for himself and made him lead, provide for and sacrifice for this lovely lady of mines, and this child. I am not my own nor am I myself these days. Christ literally lives through me. I am simply along for this ride of glory. May God continue to glorify Himself in the shattering of my self. I'm really tired, really stressed, but God is good. In my "apostle Paul" voice, I am the LEAST likely candidate to be a father and husband and those who truly know me can attest to this and give God His due glory.

I must be honest though, since my wife and I started looking at new places to live I've been pretty despondent about life and towards life. In God's sovereignty this has carried over to now and I don't feel much anxiety now that we have moved out of my mom's place and given birth to Aidenn. I thought for sure I would pass out and die when my baby came because it's such a huge change in my life. Everything just feels surreal though, no panic, no anxiety, no psychosis. It's weird though, I don't know how to think of the baby. It's like he's me, but he's not me at all. He came from me, but he is not me. I think it's best described in the analogy of how God created us. We were made in His image, but we are not Him, and He is not us. I want to think that he has the same thoughts as me and the same personality, but he doesn't. He is his own person. When I think like that, I think I begin to think properly though I feel sort of disconnected from him at that point. But I say "properly" because he is not "mines." I am his steward. I am his father but ultimately he belongs to the Lord as do all people who are created by God. Indeed all people are created by God, but not all are His children. Aidenn is my child though, so I will treat him as such and love him as such by the grace God gives me. 

-Tyrell

Answering Tough Questions

Great advice on how to go about answering the many questions our little ones ask.

This was extremely helpful!