A Crazy Ride

Dropped my laptop on the bare ground in all of my pride last night, but praise the Lord it is still working. In other news Azariah Aideen Samuels is here. Born July 30th in an emergency C Section. Baby is healthy, Marie is fine but in a lot of pain. Please pray for her. I haven't really slept since Sunday...don't think things will change anytime soon. Praying for greater grace :). Wow...I'm a father. Sooo weirrrrddddd!!! The rescue mission begins...May the Lord be merciful to this wretched sinner :)

I'm Amazed at the Lord's ability to take my callousness toward the Church and make me appreciate it beyond measure. He has done this by stripping away members of mines and my wife's real family and allowing the church to take their place. Though this grieves my inner man and requires much wisdom to maneuver through backlash and anger on their part, I am glad that God is sovereign over my sins and ABLE to provide for my wife and I because we are His children. I am also exceedingly amazed that God took this spoiled brat who lived for himself and made him lead, provide for and sacrifice for this lovely lady of mines, and this child. I am not my own nor am I myself these days. Christ literally lives through me. I am simply along for this ride of glory. May God continue to glorify Himself in the shattering of my self. I'm really tired, really stressed, but God is good. In my "apostle Paul" voice, I am the LEAST likely candidate to be a father and husband and those who truly know me can attest to this and give God His due glory.

I must be honest though, since my wife and I started looking at new places to live I've been pretty despondent about life and towards life. In God's sovereignty this has carried over to now and I don't feel much anxiety now that we have moved out of my mom's place and given birth to Aidenn. I thought for sure I would pass out and die when my baby came because it's such a huge change in my life. Everything just feels surreal though, no panic, no anxiety, no psychosis. It's weird though, I don't know how to think of the baby. It's like he's me, but he's not me at all. He came from me, but he is not me. I think it's best described in the analogy of how God created us. We were made in His image, but we are not Him, and He is not us. I want to think that he has the same thoughts as me and the same personality, but he doesn't. He is his own person. When I think like that, I think I begin to think properly though I feel sort of disconnected from him at that point. But I say "properly" because he is not "mines." I am his steward. I am his father but ultimately he belongs to the Lord as do all people who are created by God. Indeed all people are created by God, but not all are His children. Aidenn is my child though, so I will treat him as such and love him as such by the grace God gives me. 

-Tyrell

Answering Tough Questions

Great advice on how to go about answering the many questions our little ones ask.

This was extremely helpful!

Labor And Delivery

Our baby is here!!!

Azariah Aidenn Samuels

6lbs 8oz, July 30th, 2012 at 5:05am

What an experience!!! My husband and I spent July 29th driving a truck and moving our things from my mother in law's house to our new place. We watched a movie and later the contractions began. One moment I was sitting down singing to Hillsong's This Is Our God CD and the next I was screaming my husband's name to come quickly because it hurts so much! Before I knew it, the ambulance was here and I was being rushed to the hospital.

I'm at the Hospital, anxious but trying to remain calm. They took me to a room to answer some questions and in the process of answering I threw up all over the floor. The nurse was pretty upset. Later the doctor came in and we found out that I was 5 centimeters dilated but baby was not making his way down.

As some of you know, I have the Arnold Chiari Malformationan. DBecause of this rare abnormality, I had to be closely monitered while pregnant. They didn't know what to do. They didn't know if they should allow me to push, fearing that pushing would add pressure to my brain.

I wanted to have what seemed like the typical "Christian woman labor" A water birth with people praying and pushing for the joy that is set before me enduring the pain like Christ that I may obtain the prize but now we were told that we needed to have a C-section and that I needed to be put to sleep because they could not give me an epidural due to the abnormality in my brain. We were devistated. We didn't know what to do. We had prayed that the Lord would give the doctor wisdom and this was what he thought was best. We prayed then submitted to the doctors orders.

I woke up to the sound of my little boy crying. I'm still recovering and have to constantly confess my envy to the Lord, seeing that I not only idolized other christian women and was envious that I could not take part in their wonderful experience. After the procedure my husband and I were told that we needed to wait at least 18 months to have our next child.

We know that it's the Lord who opens and closes the womb. We don't believe in taking birth control so we are forced down to our knees again, seeking direction from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

I'm not sure why the Lord allowed things to happen as they did but I know that He is Sovereign over every detail and that nothing takes Him by surprise.

In this life, I continually seek after ease, comfort, a "good" life and yet He comes in and chooses to glorify Himself through my sufferings revealing to me the evilness in my heart.

Praise the Lord for continually shaking my plans and allowing suffering that I may treasure Him above this life, my health and every vain thing under the sun.