Learning To View Him As Lord

Marriage, such a beautiful blessing. I've always dreamed of being married and spent much of my time in my singleness preparing to be a godly wife and mother with the hope that my request would be granted by the Lord. I read books, watched videos, prayed and now that I am married, I'm having to unlearn almost everything I have learned.

I've only been married for a short period of time but in these 4 little months, the Lord has taught me a lot about His Character, my depravity and my need for Him. I've failed my wonderful husband in so many ways and have fallen on my face time and time again. During the last few months of my courtship, knowing that marriage was around the corner, I spent much time meditating on my future role and the idea presented in Genesis 2:8 which states "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I imagined what it meant to be a suitable helper for my husband and sought to do just that. I told myself  "I'm going to be a helper! With God's help, I will go above and beyond what is required of me and blow Tyrell away and He will praise the Lord on our wedding day for blessing him with such a mate," So NOT a good idea. In seeking to be his helpmeet, I've accidentally frustrated his plans and got in the way. Our conversations went something like this:
Tyrell: "Marie, why did you do that? What happened?"
Me: "Well you looked like you needed help so I tried to help"
Tyrell: "I understand... but why didn't you wait for me to lead by asking you or..."
Me: "I'm sorry... I just wanted to be a good helper, I just wanted to fill in the gaps and help out"

Praise the Lord that my now husband was gracious to me and stuck by my side. He later on taught me that I am a helper by simply carrying out his will.

From that point on into our marriage, I developed a new plan. I decided that I was going to focus on pleasing my husband by not getting in the way since I kept ending up in that position in my attempt to "help". I wanted to be a blessing not a burden to him.

Can you guest the result of that idea??? Yep, you guessed it, a total disaster! I got to a place where I didn't want to inconvenience my husband. I tried to do everything on my own and stay out of the way. This new habit really hurt my husband and made him feel insulted because being my protector, lord and husband he desires nothing more. He wants to help, that is his role! and in my attempt to bless him with a woman who isn't needy/helpless, I've only hurt him and made the situation worse. He would say things like " Honey, it is an honor to serve you." Over time, after a study of Psalm 50 together, the Lord began to reveal to me why my husband was hurt. The Lord reminded me that I am but dust and the importance of giving Him thanks and trusting Him in times of trouble. The Psalm was powerful and in seeing the relationship between Christ and His Bride, I was able to see where I had erred within my own marriage. What an insult it would be for us to say to God "Lord, this and that happened and I'm really hurt but you don't have to deal with the situation because I know how uncomfortable it is for me so I don't want to put such a burden on you?" Or "I don't know if you want to but I really need..." He is God! He is your Lord! Where else can you go if you need help? Who else can you ask and make aware of your need without dishonoring God?

Seeing who I am in light of who God is always helps me to reverence the Lord and honor Him. In the same way, I need to view my husband properly, not as a frail being who needs my super awesome help but as my lord, leader, protector and hero. I need to serve him, if he asks me to do something simply because that is good and it not only honors him my lord but the Lord of Lords who has placed him over me.

This new understanding turned everything I learned about "Biblical Womanhood" UPSIDE DOWN. I had to learn that I am the weaker vessel and that's ok. It is good for me to ask for help if I need it. It is totally fine for me to be hurt and admit it. It's extremely good for me to be a woman not a man. Then I wondered, how did we get to a place where Biblical womanhood equaled Feminism! How did we get to a place where we teach young women to be men rather than graceful, submissive, precious, beloved beings called to love and submit to their own husbands so that the word of the Lord may not be blasphemed? Being a homemaker/wife is a beautiful calling and a great honor! It is good and holy. Now to apply what I've learned. This has been an amazing journey thus far and I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen to humble me and show me these truths before my baby boy enters the world. To God be all the Glory and Praise!

Journey With Us: Update

Journey With Us: Update: <--- CLICK HERE!
After many long hours we officially finished our baby registry! Praise the Lord ^_^

Big Change!

So if you guys haven't heard the news yet, Tyrell and I are expecting a baby boy!!! I'm truly amazed at God's grace and I still have a hard time believing that this is really happening. Though this is such an amazing blessing, I'm also bumping against some challenges. From morning sickness, tiredness and the lack of energy to discouragement, feeling overwhelmed and misunderstood. I just don't have the same energy that I use to have anymore. I'm always tired and the idea of going to work weekly is weighing me down more than ever. I'm also finding it very hard to manage the home and work outside of the home at the same time. I wish I could devote the little energy I have to our home. It took a while but I am really ready to stay at home and exercise my role as a woman. I just cannot do both and I'm thankful for a husband who wants me to stay home. Just 3 more months to go and I can't wait. So far, I've gained over 10 pounds and most of my clothes don't fit but on the positive side I'm feeling my little boy kick already! That's truly a blessing during these trying times. So many changes going on right now but I must remain in prayer. A wonderful journey awaits. May God's Will Be Done!